


Last Friday Night

by stripperannie (orphan_account)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), Confessions, Fluff, I don't know what to tag this as, Iwaizumi is missing, Kags loves 420, Kyoutani does regrettable things and also is evidently a bottom, M/M, Matsukawa is a mom, Oikawa fucks the Easter Bunny, Oikawa gets in a fight, Oikawa runs from the police with matsun, Oikawa steals a car, Oikawa's a ho, Or does he, Suga punches somebody and basically knocks them the fuck out, There's more characters but they play minor parts, Underage Drinking, Ushijima is a dick, Yui gets her redemption, Yui is problematic af, blaze it, dickbrows are a thing that happens, endgame ship for daichi is daisuga because duh so don't worry about that, it's not pretty, kindaichi loses his head, rating changed to teen because it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, teenage angst, that's a tag I didn't think I'd use, they also end up in jail, things are getting progressively getting messier and messier poor oiks, this is really really dumb I'm sorry guys, yahaba loses something precious to him, yeah i know right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-05-02 05:46:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5236553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/stripperannie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa partied too hard and regrets it severely</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is very very dumb
> 
> But I had fun writing it so whatever
> 
> Hope you like it! (or at least are mildly amused)

The sun flittered in through the thin curtains swaying overhead. Birds outside began their daily serenade, chirping and greeting one another with merry tunes. The sky was clear, not a cloud in sight. The morning was a picture of serenity and quiet joy, with little to intrude upon the precious moment. 

It was about at this time that Oikawa Tooru realized he had no clue where the hell he was, he had a splitting headache, and he was missing his favorite pair of jeans. 

Which, to be fair, was not a particularly uncommon occurrence. Oikawa was proud to live by the motto of “Be a slut, do whatever you want.” Tonight was apparently no exception. However, usually there was still a person in the bed when he woke up. Now, though, the only thing that greeted him was a peaceful quiet, instead of some random guy with nice abs. 

His phone vibrated loudly as he sat up and rubbed his eyes, wincing at the pounding in his head. He snatched it off of the dresser and checked the time. Eight forty-five in the morning. 

“Christ.” He whined, and swung his legs over the bed. His favorite alien boxers were the only covering he had below the waist. Oikawa frowned. He didn’t remember putting them on the previous morning. Typically, if he knew he was going out, he wore nicer underwear, and yet. 

He couldn’t remember a lot of things about the previous night, actually. He remembered driving to Hanamaki’s house, Iwaizumi in tow, he remembered snatching a bottle of vodka out of the fridge, but that was about it. The rest was just vague, blurry flashes and blank spaces. 

Grumbling to himself, he clutched his phone in his hand and scanned the room for his pants. He couldn’t see them anywhere, upon first glance, but when he reached a particular corner of the room, he froze. 

It was huge. Huge, pink, and terrifying, with glassy, soulless eyes and a disturbingly cheery countenance. A giant Easter Bunny suit was crumpled up on the floor, covered in suspicious looking stains, staring up at Oikawa. 

“Fuck!” he shrieked, and flinched away. The suit did not move. He could it feel its eyes on him, watching, _judging_. He scrunched his face up with disgust and edged away from it, finally darting out of the room and slamming the door behind him. 

It was already a great morning. 

He distinctly remembered driving to Hanamaki’s house, but as soon as he stepped into the hallway, it became very clear that he had never been here before. He was standing a few feet away from a flight of stairs, at the end of a short hallway, and absolutely nothing was familiar. It was official. He had no clue what had happened last night and was absolutely alone and lost in an unfamiliar place. 

He decided to wait to venture downstairs, and instead traveled along the hallway. He stopped in front of the third door down, and peered inside. 

The first thing he noticed was the smell. Cheap cologne mixed with rubbing alcohol and a distinct undercurrent of shit. Oikawa wrinkled his nose and, against his better judgement, entered the bathroom. Upon which he immediately regretted doing so, because inside the bathtub was the most appalling mixture of substances he had ever seen. 

It looked like vomit, if he was being honest, but he knew better, because the distinctive smell of multiple alcoholic drinks wafted up from it. A few chunks of what appeared to be fruit floated along, bobbing along merrily. Clumps of ice floated to the surface, and a milky white liquid floated through the alcohol and fruit. Oikawa dipped a finger in the mixture, and stuck it in his mouth. He curled his lip with disgust. It tasted like straight rubbing alcohol, with cough syrup and ice cream thrown in for good measure. He spat into the sink in an attempt to get the taste off of his tongue, and made a hasty exit from the bathroom. 

So far, that was a creepy ass bunny suit in the bedroom, a missing pair of pants, an unholy concoction in the tub, and a so far unidentified location to kick off Oikawa’s morning. Lovely. 

He abandoned his exploration of the upper floor and ventured downstairs, to still only be greeted by silence. He glanced around suspiciously, trying to recall the sordid details of last night. He thought he could remember dancing with some guy. Or maybe it was a girl? Maybe even a dog? He wasn’t really sure. 

Further examination of this house showed that it was fairly nice; the kitchen was clean with stainless steel gleaming everywhere, and the décor was tasteful. A huge flat screen TV was barely visible from inside the kitchen. It was on, but muted, images flickering across the screen. Oikawa made his way over to the TV, and his phone buzzed in his hand. He ignored it. Anyone who wanted to get in touch with him could wait. 

There was no one in the room, but it looked like a disaster. Scribbles covered the walls, empty beer cans carpeted the floor, the couch was covered in suspicious stains. Oikawa stood there for a moment reveling in the chaos. It had been a while since he had seen an aftermath like this. It was too bad he couldn’t fucking remember anything that had happened. 

He left the room and wandered along through the house, on a quest for his pants. His phone vibrated on occasion, but he resolved not to look at it until he found his things so he could get the hell out of here. He was crossing through the foyer when he heard it. 

Something neighed. Something close by. Oikawa turned, slowly, and peered out the window. 

There was a horse sitting in the driveway. 

It was tethered down to the front lawn, but it was so horrendously out of place, and so unexpected, that all Oikawa could bring himself to do was stare. The horse stared back, seemingly content to sit in the driveway for all of time. 

“Ok, that’s it.” Oikawa muttered, wheeling around and marching back up the stairs. He was looking one more time for his pants, and if they weren’t there, he was leaving. Fuck finding his keys, he would fucking walk if he had to. 

His pants were nowhere to be seen. Oikawa rolled his eyes and marched out the front door in his boxers. He began to march down the street, noting the garbage littered across the house’s front lawn. There was nothing familiar to the landscape, no identifying marks. It looked like he was in a suburb, which would explain why all the houses looked _exactly the same_ , but he didn’t think he had ever been to this part of town before. None of his friends lived in a suburb, that was for damn sure. 

The horse whinnied loudly behind him as he marched off down the street, feeling his irritation grow. He unlocked his phone, moving to call Iwaizumi. He would give Oikawa a ride. 

Oikawa was moving to dial the all too familiar digits when he saw his notifications. He slowed to a stop on the street, staring down at his phone. 

Oh. 

Oh dear. 

_17 notifications from Snapchat_

_76 notifications from Facebook_

_24 notifications from Instagram_

_8 notifications from Twitter_

_You have (46) unread messages_

_You have (25) missed calls_

Oh good lord. 

Oikawa debated the pros and cons of sifting through his notifications. On one hand, he didn’t really want to stop everything and look through all his social media. On the other hand, nobody called twenty five times in a row without good reason. There was also a chance that someone knew what he had done last night. 

Heaving a mighty groan, Oikawa parked himself on the front lawn of one of the pristine suburban houses and went into Instagram. 

His feed was pretty mundane at first, but after a moment he scrolled down and began to see pictures from last night. A group of girls standing outside of Hanamaki’s house. Sugawara from Karasuno kissing Daichi on the cheek. Bokuto from Fukurodani doing a keg stand. Someone wearing a huge pink Easter Bunny suit, and… 

That was definitely Kyoutani, fast asleep, with dicks sharpied on where his eyebrows were supposed to be. 

Oikawa cackled viciously and double tapped the photo, reminding himself to show the picture to the volleyball team next practice. He continued scrolling, but aside from a few poorly-lit selfies posted by Matsukawa, Instagram had little left for him. 

Looking back on it, Oikawa thought he could remember seeing Kyoutani at the party, though he had still had eyebrows the last time they had talked. That had been at Hanamaki’s house, which, fine, was sort of useful, but it didn’t explain how he had ended up stranded in the suburbs minus a pair of pants and in a different pair of underwear. 

Next up, Twitter. 

This was another mob of pictures, clearly of the same party, but with different people. The freckled kid from Karasuno was sitting and chatting with a petite blonde girl in one photo, and another showed Kuroo from Nekoma slinging his setter over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. A video of the same event showed him running out the front door while ignoring Kenma’s shrieks to _Put him down, Jesus Christ Kuroo!_ Oikawa furrowed his brow. He had been at that party, he knew that, but he couldn’t remember any of this. He felt that he was at least observant enough to see people shrieking and running about like hooligans. 

A frown settling onto his features, he continued to scroll. Hanamaki had posted a poll. 

_Who should Oikawa date?_

_Iwaizumi_

_Himself_

The second option was in the lead by sixty votes. Oikawa scrunched up his nose and decided that he would have a word with Makki later. He went to scroll onward, but paused for a moment. He felt like he was forgetting something important, that was just on the edge of his consciousness. He shook it off and moved on. He saw another picture of that damn Easter Bunny suit. This time, the man inside was apparently chatting with a few girls that Oikawa recognized from Seijoh. 

“Who the fuck _is_ that guy?” he wondered out loud. Something kept niggling at the back of his memory, like he was missing something _really_ important. 

The more he thought about the bunny suit in the corner of the room he woke up in, the more disconcerted he felt. When he added in the missing pants, the different underwear, the fact that the guy in the bunny suit had been at the party, that he woke up in a stranger’s house… 

“Oh my God!” he screamed, resisting the urge to chuck his phone in the street. “I fucked the Easter Bunny!” 

He had to close his phone and take a few deep breaths. 

“Ok, Tooru, let’s think this through.” He muttered to himself, on the verge of hysterics. “Yeah, this isn’t your proudest moment, but you’ve had plenty of worse hookups… Yeah, like that guy who wouldn’t shut up once during the whole thing, or the guy who screamed someone else’s name! Yeah, yeah, fucking the Easter Bunny _totally_ isn’t your lowest point so far. It should be fine. It’ll be fine. I’m fine, fine, fine, it’s all good…” his voice continued to rise in pitch as he frantically tried to steady himself. He sucked in a deep breath. 

Okay. Alright. He was fine. Everything was good. Anyway, he was in too deep now, he needed to check everything. 

Snapchat. Snapchat was fine. Snapchat was safe. No reminders that he fucked a guy in an Easter Bunny costume. 

He checked his notifications. _16 people screenshotted your photo!”_

“What the fuck?” he muttered. What had he posted? He went to check his story, but there was nothing particularly noteworthy about it. He had four snaps from Yahaba that he had yet to view. He clicked on one. 

It was a black screen, with the caption, _Has anyone seen a pair of pink panties at all?_

The second one was a picture of a pair of panties, presumably the ones Yahaba was looking for. Oikawa widened his eyes upon seeing the copious amount of lace and frills. _They’re not mine, just asking for a friend._

The third snap showed Yahaba looking close to tears. _Seriously, anybody? Anyone at all?_

The fourth rang of bitter defeat, with only a blank screen. _Okay, so maybe they are mine, doesn’t matter._ There were no more after that. 

Oikawa wasn’t sure if he wanted to deal with that situation just yet. He went to check everyone’s stories, and clicked on Kunimi’s. The first picture showed a sobbing Kindaichi. He looked relatively fine, aside from his grieving expression. The next was a video. 

“Face the other way.” Kunimi’s voice could be heard. Kindaichi complied, sniffling miserably. Upon the grand reveal, Oikawa’s jaw dropped. 

Half of Kindaichi’s head was shaved, with clumps of black hair sticking out where the razor had missed. He sniffled loudly, and sat there with a defeated expression. The next photo showed a pile of thick black hair resting on the ground. 

Oikawa was literally speechless. He felt a strong surge of pity for both of his kouhai. Yahaba was probably humiliated and Kindaichi’s poor head looked hideous. He closed Kunimi’s story with a heavy heart and clicked on Kageyama’s. 

There he was again. That god damned Easter Bunny. The video showed him dancing extremely poorly to some shitty music blaring over the speakers, attempting to twerk and failing miserably. Oikawa felt the prick of tears at the corner of his eyes. He had hooked up with such a fucking _loser_. He had standards, or at least he had thought he did, but apparently they had been lowered considerably. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and marched on through Kageyama’s story. There were more photos of the Easter Bunny, most of which were captioned with _lol_ or something similar and boring as hell. Oikawa sniffed disdainfully. No matter good that brat was at setting, he was still shit at everything else. 

After viewing the humiliation of his kouhai and himself, Oikawa wasn’t particularly in the mood for Snapchat anymore. He closed the app with a disgusted expression, and readied himself for the big one. Facebook. 

Aside from the abundance of statuses about how great a time everyone had last night, there were only a few photos. Most notably there was a photo of the Seijoh volleyball team together. Kindaichi still had all of his hair, Kyoutani had his eyebrows, Yahaba looked away from the camera as though he was searching for something. Matsukawa and Hanamaki were standing slightly too close to each other, and Kunimi sat off to the side with a bored expression. It was a relatively normal photo. Except, in the background, there he was. 

The fucking Easter Bunny. 

By this point Oikawa was seriously considering throwing his phone away for good. He was sick and tired of this asshole showing up. 

The strange thing was, Oikawa thought that he had been in that photo. Though his memories were fuzzy, he felt like he could remember posing for that. He could picture the flash going off, remember smiling at the person behind the camera. 

But he wasn’t in the picture. 

Oikawa had had enough. He closed facebook with a pout, and finally turned to his forty six (!) unread messages. 

Most of them were from Matsukawa and Hanamaki. He skipped through most of them, until he reached the ones towards the end. 

**Sent 2:35 am**

**From: Matsun**

**Hey do you know where Iwaizumi is?**

_Sent 2:56 am_

_From: Makki_

_Yo where’s ur bf at slut_

**Sent 3:04 am**

**From: Matsun**

**Bro I know he came to the party with you. You gotta know where he’s at.**

_Sent 3:12 am_

_From: Makki_

_He can’t have just fuckin disappeared dude where is he_

_Sent 3:14 am_

_From: Makki_

_Oh I get it now_

_Sent 3:15 am_

_From: Makki_

_You guys must be…occupied ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

**Sent 3:22 am**

**From: Matsun**

**Seriously I don’t give a flying fuck what you’re doing but Iwaizumi’s helping me clean up everything tomorrow after this shit storm so where’s he at.**

**Sent 3:46 am**

**From: Matsun**

**Ok well you clearly have no answers for me**

**Sent 3:47**

**From: Matsun**

**Later ho**

…So apparently Iwaizumi was missing. 

Oikawa dialed Hanamaki’s number swiftly. After what seemed like an eternity, he picked up. 

“What the fuck, Oikawa? It’s like nine o clock in the morning, I am too hungover to talk to you right now.” Hanamaki grunted. 

“Did you find Iwa-chan?” Oikawa asked. There was a long pause on the other end. 

“…No, I assumed he was with you and you were just too lazy to text me back.” He replied slowly. Oikawa could hear him waking up more, the growing concern in his voice. “So you don’t know where he is?” he asked. 

“No, I have no idea!” Oikawa replied, becoming more agitated. Now that he thought more about it, he hadn’t seen Iwaizumi in any of the pictures from the previous night. He remembered driving to Hanamaki’s house with him, and that was it. When had he lost him? “Here, let me call Matsukawa really quick he might know-“ 

“No no no no no, don’t do that.” Hanamaki rushed in, his tone suddenly frantic. “I can guarantee you he doesn’t know right now. Don’t call him.” He ordered. Oikawa narrowed his eyes. 

“Are you sure? Here, let me double check…” 

“No he’s- Christ, Oikawa, he’s with me! He doesn’t know where Iwaizumi is! Don’t call him, he’s-“ Hanamaki’s voice dropped suddenly in volume. “He’s still asleep, God!” 

Oikawa blinked once, twice. Inhaled sharply. 

“Oh my GOD-“ 

“Oikawa, shut up. Right now. Don’t you have other things to worry about? Like finding your missing best friend? I’m hanging up now, don’t call me for the rest of the day.” With a click, Hanamaki was gone. Oikawa rolled his eyes, and without even looking, dialed Iwaizumi’s number. 

It went straight to voicemail. 

“Great.” Oikawa sighed. He picked himself up off of the lawn he was sitting on and began to meander down the street yet again. His priorities had taken a sudden and disturbing shift. 

So far, his morning had consisted of: 

A satanic Easter Bunny suit that wouldn’t fucking disappear 

His favorite pair of jeans going missing 

His best friend going missing (only slightly more important than the jeans) 

Trying to figure out what the hell had happened last night 

Finding out that his other two best friends were probably A Thing 

And waking up in a strange house he’d never been to before. 

He was off to a great start. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was only supposed to be two chapters to this, but I guess now there's going to be three. 
> 
> Oikawa is still a hot mess, nothing has changed. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Oikawa called Iwaizumi’s number exactly thirty six times before he gave up trying to reach him. Pressure built up behind his eyes as the sun shone its cruel light down on him. He wandered aimlessly along the suburbs, in his boxers, with a sour expression and a tangle of thoughts. 

In his personal opinion, he was way too hungover to deal with half of the shit he had on his plate. He had to find out where he was, where he woke up, how to get out of the suburbs, where his pants went, who the guy in the Easter Bunny suit was, and, most importantly, where the hell his best friend had disappeared to. When he thought about it for too long, his head began to ache even more. He took a deep breath. The best way to deal with everything was one step at a time. First of all, he wanted to get out of this maze of identical houses as soon as possible. 

The only question was how to do so. He didn’t have his keys, or his wallet, because they were in his pants pocket, he didn’t know anyone who lived nearby to drive him home, and he was too lost to figure out which way to start walking. Oikawa prided himself on remaining cool in most situations, but the pure frustration of his situation made him want to plop down on the curb and start crying. 

He rounded a corner, and came across a cul-de-sac, with a resplendent house nestled in the center. A garden flourished, full of vibrant lilies and ranunculuses and pansies, in front of a huge stone fountain, gurgling water merrily. Oikawa raised an eyebrow. No matter how rich you were, this shit was just excessive. Yet another reason why he hated the suburbs. He was moving to turn back around and find his way out, when the door of the fancy house opened. Oikawa watched as none other than Ushijima-fucking-Wakatoshi stepped out of the front door. 

Yeah, Oikawa _really_ hated the suburbs. 

He turned around as quickly as possible, ready to sprint away from Ushiwaka’s house, but was stopped by Ushiwaka calling out to him. He turned, slowly, ready to accept his fate, and saw Ushiwaka jogging towards him. 

“What do you want?” Oikawa groaned, and Ushiwaka slowed to a stop in front of him. 

“I was about to go and pick up a new watering can for my garden, but I noticed you were sitting out here in your boxers. I assumed you needed help.” he explained, as direct as ever. Oikawa gave a haughty huff. 

“I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, Ushiwaka, and I don’t need help from the likes of you!” he scoffed, planting his hands on his hips. Ushijima’s expression remained neutral. 

“It doesn’t seem like you’re capable of taking care of yourself, especially considering that you’re clearly lost and look like you’re recovering from your doubtlessly wildly inappropriate activities last night.” he replied. Oikawa opened his mouth to defend himself, then closed it. He folded his arms and gave a petulant scowl. 

“I can give you a ride out of here, if you want.” he offered. Oikawa was tempted to scream at the unfairness of it all. He wanted to get out of here, but not so much so that he wanted to ask Ushiwaka for help to do so. But, he had bigger and better things to be doing, and he really needed to get going. Ushiwaka raised an eyebrow. 

“Do you need my assistance or not?” he asked. Oikawa scrunched up his nose. 

“You’re not gonna hear me say it.” he replied, his demeanor obstinate. Ushiwaka rolled his eyes. 

“I suppose I’ll help you, even though you insist on being childish.” he conceded, and with that, he turned and walked to his truck. Oikawa followed along, albeit hesitantly. 

Ushijima’s truck was a fancy number, painted a delicate silver with giant wheels and plush leather seats. Oikawa rolled his eyes as he hopped in the passenger seat. When he had driven to Hanamaki’s house last night, he hadn’t planned on ever ending up in a car with Ushiwaka. 

“Hmm, huge house, fancy truck, good at volleyball. Sounds like you’re compensating for something.” Oikawa muttered darkly. Ushiwaka sat in the driver’s seat. 

“Sorry, did you say something?” 

“Nope.” 

Ushiwaka started up his truck and pulled out of his driveway, beginning to finally get Oikawa out of the suburbs. It was possibly the most uncomfortable car ride of Oikawa’s life. Ushijima turned the radio to a soft rock station, which, frankly, was unexpected, and Oikawa was at a complete loss for words. When you were trapped in a car with the person you’ve detested the most for years, what exactly were you supposed to say? 

After a series of twists and turns past rows of identical houses, the truck finally wound its way out of the suburbs, and things began to look a little familiar. The road they were on was fairly barren, with a few entrances to suburbs dotted along one side, while the other was occupied by fields and the occasional cow. They were out on the edge of town, close to the golf course and the really upper class homes. 

Their location only served to confuse Oikawa further. He had never been this far outside of town in his life, and no one he knew lived out here either (except for Ushiwaka, apparently). He had no idea how he had ended up in that house. He continued to curse his faulty memory. If only he had a better grasp of what he had done last night, the whole situation would be much easier. 

After a few minutes of driving past empty fields, they began to enter another residential area. This one, however, Oikawa recognized. Yahaba lived around here somewhere. Ushijima took a series of turns and parked in front of a Walmart. Oikawa shot a look over at him. 

“Why are we in front of a Walmart?” he asked, slowly. Ushiwaka gave him a blank stare. 

“I told you I needed to buy a watering can.” he replied, staring at Oikawa like he had just announced he was planning on becoming a pimp. Oikawa felt that the incredulous look was highly uncalled for. 

“You couldn’t wait to buy your damn watering can until _after_ you got me home?” he asked, his voice rising in pitch. Ushiwaka frowned. 

“My pansies are dying, Oikawa. This is extremely important. Also, correct me if I’m wrong, but I only said I’d get you out of the suburbs, not drive you home.” he clarified. Oikawa must’ve had wax in his ears or something. He’d thought Ushiwaka had said he wasn’t going to drive him home, which was, of course, ridiculous. 

“Excuse me? I must’ve misheard you. Mind saying that again?” Oikawa asked, his voice dangerous. Ushiwaka rolled his eyes. 

“I said I’m not driving you home, Oikawa. I’m going to buy my watering can, then drive back to my house.” he responded. Oikawa narrowed his eyes. 

“So what do you suggest I do? Just crash in the parking lot in my boxers?” 

“I’m sure you can buy a new pair of pants while you’re here.” Ushiwaka responded, and with this he hopped out of the truck, leaving Oikawa sitting in shock. There was a moment of silence while Oikawa process his situation. 

“Oh, HELL no. That asshole is NOT leaving me here.” he snapped, and scrambled out of the truck, doing his best to look intimidating in his boxers. He marched up behind Ushiwaka, and grabbed the back of his jacket. 

“Hey, asshole!” he snapped, and Ushiwaka turned around with a bored expression. 

“What do you want, Oikawa?” he asked, looking as though he’d rather be anywhere. 

“I want you to drive me home and not abandon me in a Walmart parking lot, like a decent fucking person would!” Oikawa spat, his face turning red. Ushiwaka only shrugged in response. Oikawa saw red for a brief moment, but before he could do anything, Ushiwaka had already turned around and was walking away from him. Oikawa snatched at his jacket, but Ushijima kept walking, like an asshole. 

Oikawa let out a loud string of curses as soon as Ushiwaka left, and paced around in frustration. This was almost worse than being lost in the suburbs, largely due to the embarrassment of being trapped in a parking lot wearing only alien boxers. This was what he got for trusting Ushiwaka, he supposed. 

He stood there for a moment, his hair fisted in his hands with exasperation, before he had an idea. Ushiwaka had left rather abruptly, and hadn’t stopped to lock his car… 

Oikawa turned and walked back to the truck resting in the parking lot with a diabolical grin on his face. He tested the door and found that, to his joy, it was unlocked. He slid into the driver’s seat with a manic giggle, and began searching the car. Ushiwaka seemed like the type of person to keep a spare set of keys around somewhere. Oikawa found a set in the glove compartment, barely used. He gave a victorious crow and shoved the keys into the ignition. The truck roared to life, and Oikawa gunned it out of the parking lot, cackling madly as he left. 

He was on the road for about five minutes when Oikawa realized that _holy shit, he had just stolen a car._ His breath started to come a bit faster, and his heart started to pound. He had never stolen a car before. What if he crashed it? What if he spilled something on the seat? How was he going to get it back? Holy shit, what if Ushiwaka called the cops, the bastard? Oikawa was a good kid, he didn’t deserve to go to jail! Even worse, _what if Iwaizumi found out?_ He’d be pissed at him for weeks at the very least! Oikawa shuddered at the thought. 

Even so, he was in too deep to back out now, so he kept driving, cruising down the road at a respectable speed. He grabbed his phone from the passenger seat and, as he slowed to a stop at a quiet intersection, he texted Hanamaki. 

To: Makki 

10:34 AM 

So, I have a purely hypothetical scenario for you. Let’s say for some reason you stole a car and left the owner stranded in a Walmart parking lot. What would you do? 

_From: Makki_

_Sent 10:36 AM_

_Pls pls pls tell me u did not steal a car_

To: Makki 

Sent 10:37 AM 

Well 

To: Makki 

Sent 10:37 AM 

It’s funny you should say that 

_From: Makki_

_Sent 10:38 AM_

_Oikawa I stg I fckn hate u. Whose car is it?_

To: Makki 

Sent 10: 40 AM 

……… It’s Ushiwaka’s 

_From: Makki_

_Sent 10:45 AM_

_Oh well then that’s fine_

**From: Matsun**

**Sent 10:46 AM**

**Oikawa go give the car back**

**From: Matsun**

**Sent 10:46 AM**

**If you don’t I’m going to tell Iwaizumi**

To: Matsun 

Sent 10:47 AM 

OH sorry, I didn’t realize we were 5 YEARS OLD. What kind of grown ass teenager tattles on his friend to his other friend????? 

**From: Matsun**

**Sent 10:47 AM**

**What kind of grown ass teenager steals a car from a Walmart parking lot then texts his friends while driving it?**

To: Matsun 

Sent 10:48 AM 

I’m going to pretend I didn’t see that for the sake of our friendship. Anyway, the point is, what the fuck do I do???? I won’t be able to get home if I return the car, and if I do Ushiwaka might call the cops and I am NOT in the mood to run from the cops right now 

_From: Makki_

_Sent 10:49_

_Here I can help u. I am pretty sure Ushi won’t call the cops on u, I can’t make sure of that, but I can get the car back to him once ur done with it._

**From: Matsun**

**Sent 10:52 AM**

**You realize I would’ve just given you a ride home if you’d asked, right????? You know that, right??? It is very important to me that you know this. You did not have to turn to crime for this**

**From: Matsun**

**Sent 10:52 AM**

**Good god I have failed as the responsible friend**

To: Makki 

Sent 10:53 AM 

Ok, I’m going to drive home, get a new pair of pants, and then whatever the hell you want to do with the car is on you at that point. I’m gonna try and find Iwa-chan. 

_From: Makki_

_Sent 10:55_

_Ok sounds like a plan. I’ll be at ur house in like ten minutes. Matsun is coming with tho, so be prepared for a holy terror of a lecture_

To: Makki 

Sent 10:58 AM 

Alright. Let’s get this shit done 

Oikawa locked up his phone and gunned the car down the street, making hairpin turns and leaving tire tracks behind him. He was ready to just be over with this hellish morning and take a very, _very_ long nap. 

He drove for about five more minutes before he pulled up to the curb outside of his house. His parents were away on a cruise, which was why he had been able to go out in the first place. He gave a silent prayer of thanks to whatever god was looking after him, and parked the truck in the street and told Hanamaki that he was back at home. He walked up to the front door, twisted the knob, and felt a twist of despair in his gut. His keys were in his pants pocket. The pants that he had oh-so-conveniently lost back in those fucking suburbs. He had given Iwaizumi the spare. 

“Fuck!” he groaned, slamming his head against the door. This day was just getting better and better. He’d have to sneak back in. Granted, he’d done it before, but never in broad daylight, and not in only a pair of boxers and a faded hoodie that was just a touch too small. 

He crossed to the side of the house, and scrambled up the side of the fence, landing with a _thunk_ on the ground. He winced at the twinge in his knee, and hobbled into his backyard. This was where things got complicated. His room was on the second floor, and though he’d been able to do it before, he had a feeling he was too big to climb up the drain pipe now. The back door was locked, and Oikawa wasn’t very experienced at picking locks. 

As he contemplated how the hell he was going to get inside his house, he heard someone pull up to his house and idle there for a few seconds. That was probably Hanamaki and Matsukawa. Oikawa heaved an exhausted sigh, and returned to vault the fence once again. Hanamaki stepped out of the car, and Matsukawa followed behind him. Makki just looked tired, but Matsun had the wrath of heaven written on his face. Oikawa was distinctly reminded of the look his mother would give him right before she laid into him with an hour long lecture. 

Matsun advanced towards him with deadly purpose, his eyes narrowed and his face filled with fury. Oikawa held his hands up defensively. 

“Now, now, Matsun, no need to go crazy here, I know it was a rash decision, but I had a lot to do and Ushiwaka was being an asshole and-” 

“You’re lucky there are people around here, because if there weren’t, I would murder your ass, and no one would find your body!” he snapped. Hanamaki stifled a giggle. Matsukawa whirled on him. “What’s so funny, asshat?” 

This prompted Hanamaki to collapse in a fit of laughter. Oikawa looked on, confused, while Matsukawa’s expression softened a bit. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry” he gasped, in between bursts of giggles, “It’s just really hard to take you seriously when you’re mad.” he cackled. Matsukawa tried his best to stay mad, he really did, but his righteous fury quickly disappeared, and he rolled his eyes and started to smile a little bit. Oikawa silently thanked god for Hanamaki’s existence. Matsukawa casually reached over and linked hands with Hanamaki, causing the latter’s face to turn a vivid red. 

“You jackass. I was trying so hard to stay mad, and then you had to go and start laughing.” Matsukawa remarked, rolling his eyes. “I can’t stay mad when you’re all happy like that.” he remarked. Oikawa pantomimed gagging in response. 

“Ew. Excuse me while I go throw up.” he remarked, and though Hanamaki squeaked at him to shut up, he didn’t sound particularly distressed. 

“Okay, all that beside, what’s the plan from here?” Oikawa asked. Matsukawa turned to Hanamaki, who scratched the back of his head with his free hand. 

“So, I’m going to give the car back to Ushiwaka, you’re going to look for Iwaizumi, and Matsukawa is coming with you.” he explained. Oikawa shot a questioning look at Matsukawa, who shrugged. 

“We figured you’d need someone to keep you from getting into more shit since Iwaizumi isn’t around to do it.” he explained. Oikawa shrugged. 

“Fair enough.” he conceded. 

“So, are we taking a break and stopping at your house first or are we going to get everything done right now?” Hanamaki asked. Oikawa flashed a sheepish smile. 

“Well, um, I kind of lost the keys? To my house? Last night? So we’re all locked out?” he stammered. Hanamaki fixed him with a flat look. 

“Ok, no break then. I guess you’re going to be wandering around town in boxers and without a decent breakfast. Whatever. Let’s get this shit done, I want to take the three hour nap I was promised earlier.” he sighed. The others nodded. Oikawa tossed Hanamaki the keys to Ushiwaka’s car, and Hanamaki climbed inside and turned the keys in the ignition, causing the truck to purr to life. 

“I swear to God he’s compensating for something.” Oikawa muttered, prompting a questioning look from Matsukawa. Hanamaki pulled out of the driveway, casting a goodbye wave, and drove off to return the truck. Oikawa clambered into the driver’s seat of Hanamaki’s car, with Matsukawa in the passenger seat. 

“Where do we want to start looking?” Oikawa asked, adjusting the seat. Matsukawa flicked through his phone for a second, then responded. 

“The last text I got from Iwaizumi was when he had already left Hanamaki’s house and was going to the park with Kyoutani and the captain from Karasuno.” he explained. Oikawa furrowed his brow. When the hell did Iwa-chan go to the park, and why the fuck did he go with Karasuno’s captain and Kyoutani of all people? 

“Alright.” he sighed, turning the key. The engine rattled to life, and he started driving down the street. 

“Let’s get this over with.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't steal people's cars, kids.
> 
> And don't text people while driving said stolen car.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, I'm not actually dead
> 
> New chapter is up! It only took me like three weeks lmao
> 
> This chapter is a little short, but things will be wrapping up in not too long, so hold on tight!
> 
> Just for fair warning, this chapter is a MESS. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The park was gross. There was no other way to put it. There was a playground, but it looked more like a place where a drug deal would go on than kids would play. The trees were small and spindly, and the grass was filled with prickers. Oikawa had spent many hours here as a kid, much to his mother’s chagrin. It was right on the edge of downtown, only five blocks away from his house. He and Iwaizumi would walk there every day in the summer when they were little, Oikawa bitching about the heat and Iwaizumi looking for bugs. They had moved on from the park in middle school, citing that they were too old and “too cool” to go play on the playground. Oikawa had never thought he would be returning there with a disgusting hangover on a quest to find his also most likely hungover best friend. 

Oikawa parked the car and stuffed the keys in the pocket of his hoodie, clambering out with Matsukawa on his heels. 

“Okay, so if I was Iwa-chan and hungover as hell, where would I be?” Oikawa muttered, scanning the park. There didn’t seem to be anyone there, save for the two of them. Oikawa narrowed his eyes. “I can’t believe I have to hunt this asshole down at ten o clock in the morning.” He grumbled. Matsukawa smirked. 

“Imagine how Iwaizumi feels all the time looking after your nasty ass.” He snickered. Oikawa shot him a filthy look. 

“Rude, Matsun. I’ll have you know that my ass is perfectly sanitary.” He retorted, turning back to survey the park. There wasn’t much there, aside from a few beer cans strewn about. 

“I don’t see him anywhere.” Matsun supplied. Oikawa rolled his eyes but chose not to comment. 

“Okay, so we know that Daichi Kyoutani and Iwa-chan were all here. But they’re not here now, so that helps exactly not at all.” He sighed, rubbing his eyes. His contacts were drying out, and his glasses were inside his house. His headache was beginning to expand, swelling up like a balloon inside of his head. Matsukawa pulled out his phone and scrolled through it for a moment. 

“Hanamaki’s getting close to the Walmart parking lot.” He offered, sliding his phone back in his pocket. Oikawa nodded in acknowledgement and ran his fingers through his hair, doing his best to maintain his carefully disheveled look. 

“Okay, so they were last seen at the park, and they’re not here anymore. We’re back to square one.” Oikawa sighed, scrunching up his nose in an irritated expression. 

“Stop making that face, you look constipated.” Matsukawa offered. 

“Shut up. Where do we go from here?” Oikawa asked. Matsukawa seemed to be considering this for a moment, but before he could supply an answer, a sharp honk came from behind him. A rusty old car missing a bumper rattled up to the curb. Oikawa furrowed his brow. 

“Who is that?” he asked. Matsukawa shrugged. Their question was answered a moment later when a head of silver hair poked its way out of the window. 

“What are you doing here?” Sugawara called, his expression concerned. Oikawa and Matsun exchanged a look, then ventured over to the car. 

“I could ask you the same thing, Mr. Refreshing.” Oikawa remarked, Matsun close on his heels. Suga worried at his lip with his teeth. 

“Well, I kind of said something stupid last night.” He started, his expression decidedly guilty. Oikawa raised an eyebrow, silently asking for more information. 

“Well, um, you know how Daichi is dating Yui? I, uh, I kind of called her a flat-chested punk ass bitch. And then, I might have, um, said that she was shit at volleyball, and then, I, well, I kind of started crying and then Yui got pissed at Daichi because he didn’t really try to stick up for her? And then they got in a huge fight? And Daichi kind of left the party without her?” he admitted. Matsukawa’s jaw dropped, and Oikawa gave a low whistle. 

“Jesus Suga, you sound like a blast to hang out with when you’re drunk.” He remarked. Suga shot him an unimpressed look, then clambered out of the car. He pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes and gave a heavy groan. 

“I wouldn’t have said anything like that normally, but I was drunk off my ass and I already kind of hated Yui.” He admitted. 

“Doesn’t change the fact that it was rude as hell.” Matsukawa offered. Suga shot him a filthy look. 

“You think I don’t know that? I came to apologize. I figured Daichi would know where Yui was, and I last heard from him after he went to the park.” Suga explained. 

“Well, shit, it looks like we’re in the same boat.” Oikawa remarked. “Iwa-chan went missing last night, and last we heard from him, he was here with Daichi. Nobody’s here though, we already checked.” He clarified. Suga nodded, a thoughtful, though slightly miserable, expression resting heavily on his face. 

“I could try calling Yui to see if she knows where he is, I guess.” Suga offered. Oikawa narrowed his eyes. 

“I thought you were trying to find Daichi so you could apologize to Yui. Why do you need to find Daichi if you can just call her? And why can’t you just ask Yui where she is?” He replied. Matsukawa watched the proceedings with a bored expression. 

“I wanted to apologize to her in person, so I’m not going to do it over the phone. I, uh also wanted to apologize to Daichi, so I want to find out where he is either way. I didn’t mean to make them fight.” Suga responded, his cheeks slowly turning red. Oikawa was nonplussed. 

“Okay, whatever. Anyway, we’re looking for Iwa-chan, and you’re looking for Daichi, who was in the same place. Do you just want to come with us to find him?” he offered. Suga contemplated this for a moment, then shrugged. 

“Sure, why not.” He replied. 

“Okay, so now we’re looking for two people, and we still have no clue where the hell they are, or where to start looking.” Matsukawa summed up, leveling his gaze on Oikawa. Oikawa turned to face Suga. 

“Call Michimiya and see if she knows anything.” He ordered. Suga made a face, but fished his phone out of his pocket anyway. 

“She might just hang up on me.” Suga remarked. Oikawa shrugged. 

“It’s worth a shot.” 

Suga pressed the phone to his ear, tapping his fingers against the outside of his thigh. Oikawa could hear it when Yui picked up. There was a brief moment of silence. Then, Suga gave a relieved grin. 

“Hey, Yui. Um, I wanted to apologize, but I think I should do in person.” He admitted. There was another brief silence as Yui spoke on the other end. 

“Uh, yeah, sure! I can meet you there.” Suga finally replied, his expression relieved. “Sounds good to me. Hey, do you know where Daichi is? I wanted to apologize to him too, but he’s not answering his phone and I have no clue where he ran off to after last night.” He explained the situation. Oikawa could pick up a faint string of words from the other end. Suga made a sour face, but stayed quiet. Finally, he pulled the phone away and hung up. 

“What’d she say?” Matsukawa asked. Suga slid his phone back into his pocket and gave an easy smile. 

“She last saw Daichi downtown, close to the movie theater. She said we could meet there so I could apologize.” He supplied. 

“Did she see Iwa-chan?” Oikawa demanded. Suga made a noncommittal wiggly hand gesture. 

“She said she saw someone with Daichi, but she didn’t recognize him.” He answered. Oikawa pursed his lips. 

“It’s better than nothing.” Matsukawa concluded. Oikawa nodded in agreement. 

“So, Michimiya wasn’t with Daichi after they started to fight?” Oikawa asked, for clarification. Suga nodded. “Alright, let’s go to the movie theater then.” 

Oikawa slid into the driver’s seat of Matsukawa’s car, and Suga clambered into the backseat. Matsukawa sat next to Oikawa, and they drove further into downtown. 

The sky was far too bright overhead for Oikawa’s taste. He tended to prefer it when it rained, and clouds hung low above him. It made things seem smaller, a little manageable. Right now, with a wide blue expanse overhead and a large city sprawled out beneath his feet, Oikawa felt a little out of control. He felt as though he was given too much responsibility for a hungover teenager to handle well. 

The movie theater was not a particularly impressive building. It was old, with brick walls and a faded sign that read _Center Twin Theatre._ Oikawa had been here before, on a couple of dates. The popcorn was good there, and that was about it. The walls had mold and the staff was lethargic at best. The theater probably should’ve been closed down years ago, but nobody ever really got around to doing anything about it. 

He pulled up to the curb, parallel parked like a champ, and climbed out. Suga followed afterward. A figure cut a lonely silhouette in front of the theater, clad in a bubblegum pink pair of shorts and a black and white tank top. 

“Yui?” Suga called, his face carrying a hopeful expression. Yui strode closer to them with a shambling gait, and Oikawa immediately knew that something was wrong. 

Yui still smelled like screwdrivers and whiskey, and her makeup was smeared across her face. Her lipstick was smudged, to create a comical smile reminiscent of the Joker’s. Her under eye bags were so dark they looked like bruises. Oikawa made a mental note to recommend her some better concealer in the future. 

She stumbled over to Suga, and shoved an accusing finger in his face. 

“You.” Was all she said, narrowing her eyes at him. Suga bore an incredulous expression, and he gently pushed her finger out of his face. 

“Me.” He replied, obviously confused. Yui bared her teeth at him, and Oikawa couldn’t help but be reminded of a dog. A small one, like a Chihuahua, satanic with teeth snapping and quaking limbs, not posing a real threat to anyone. 

“So, um I know what I did was wrong, and I feel really awful. I shouldn’t have said anything like that to you, and the fact that I was drunk is no excuse. I didn’t mean to make you and Daichi fight either, that was a dick move of me too.” Suga tried, still looking rather perplexed. Yui’s aggressive demeanor was frankly unexpected, considering the amiable impression she had given over the phone. There was a long pause. Suga furrowed his brow. 

“So, uh are we cool? Do you know where Daichi is, by the way?” he attempted. She rolled her eyes and hawked a loogie onto the sidewalk. Oikawa wrinkled his nose in disgust. 

“Daichi.” She spat bitterly, completely ignoring Suga’s apology, “Why the hell should I tell you where Daichi is?” 

“Um, because you said you were going to?” Suga responded, clearly bewildered. Yui frowned for a moment, making a constipated expression, before speaking again. 

“Oh, yeah, I guess I did. Well I’m not going to tell you anyway.” She announced, folding her arms. Suga stared at her incredulously. 

“What? Why?” he asked. Yui snarled at him again, running her tongue along her teeth. 

“I’m not telling you because you’re an asshole.” She began, advancing closer to Suga again. “You keep trying to break me and Daichi up, I know it. You always try to make us fight, all the damn time.” She snapped, shoving her finger in his chest repeatedly. Suga appeared a little helpless. 

“I’m not trying to break you two up!” he protested. Yui scoffed loudly. 

“Oh, please. Everybody knows you want my boyfriend. You’re a desperate bitch, that’s all.” She snorted derisively. Suga narrowed his eyes. 

“It’s okay, though, because I know what you really are. You’re just a stupid jackass who thinks he can break up me and my boyfriend. You’re a desperate gutter slut who keeps trying to fight me over Daichi even though everybody knows there’s no competition!” Yui shouted, working up to a full blown rant. Suga didn’t know what to do with the situation. Technically, in a very loose sense, Oikawa knew that Yui was right. Suga had a crush on Daichi for years, and probably would be a lot happier if he and Yui broke up. However, Suga also wasn’t the type of person to actively try to break up a couple, no matter what Yui implied. 

“Just give it up, Suga! I win! You lose! Go fuck off and try to steal some other bitch’s boyfriend, because it’s not going to work here!” Yui declared, a cruelly triumphant expression on her face. Suga seemed to deflate, scuffing the asphalt with the toe of his shoe. 

“You think you can call me a punk ass bitch and just get away with it, don’t you?” Yui sneered, her expression much darker now. “You better remember your fucking place next time.” She snapped. Suga took a step away from her, and muttered something under his breath. With that, he went to get back into the car. 

And now Oikawa was pissed. 

He stepped forward, trying his best to soothe the situation. 

“I don’t think that’s very fair of you to say, Yui.” He began, his tone mellow, with an undercurrent of danger. Yui rolled her eyes at him. 

“I don’t care, Suga can suck my dick.” She replied, her tone flippant. Oikawa gave a broad, threatening smile. 

“Listen. You’re still drunk, Suga apologized to you, and we just want to find our friends and go home. Care to help us out?” he tried. 

“I’m not going to tell you where Daichi is just so Suga can jump his bones and gloat about it later.” Yui declared, looking a little miserable now. Oikawa’s eye twitched, but his smile stayed in place. 

“So why did you say you were going to tell him earlier?” he asked, his voice goading. Yui faltered for a moment, looking more confused than angry, but plowed on anyway. 

“Because I wanted to, okay? Stop changing the subject!” she snapped. Oikawa rolled his eyes, his smile finally starting to slip. 

“So you did it because you’re still drunk and don’t know what you’re doing or why.” He paraphrased on her behalf. She glared daggers up at him, and if looks could kill, Oikawa would have been in hell. Then again, with the way his day was going, it felt like he was already there. 

“Ok, I’m going to make this quick.” He finally decided, folding his arms. “Either you tell us where Daichi is right now, or I call the cops on you for drinking under age.” He declared. Yui scrunched up her nose. 

“You were drinking under age too, asshole!” she shouted. Oikawa smirked. 

“True, but you can’t prove that, and I’m not drunk right now like you are.” He shrugged with a satisfied expression. “I can do something worse if you want.” 

There was a long pause where Yui pouted for a moment. Matsukawa seemed to be holding in laughter, while Suga still seemed to be coming to terms with the fact that this was a real situation he was in at the moment. 

Yui opened her mouth to speak, and, for a moment, Oikawa thought the situation would end without too much hassle. 

Then she reared back and punched him in the face. 

Matsukawa immediately broke into that nervous sort of laughter that came with not really knowing how to handle the situation, and Suga sucked in a sharp gasp. Yui stepped away from Oikawa with a determined expression, her hands clenched into fists. Oikawa pressed a hand to his nose, and pulled it away. A small dribble of blood was leaking from his nose. He wiped it off on his boxers, fished his phone out of his hoodie pocket, and tossed it to Matsun. 

With that, he steadily began to rise to his full height, advancing closer and closer to Yui, who stood her ground. His nostrils flared, and his eyes narrowed. He stared down Yui with a steely sort of fury. 

“Bitch,” he began, towering over her, “I swear to God. If you don’t tell me where the hell Daichi is _right now_ , I will kick your ass so hard you won’t be able to move for a fucking week.” He threatened, his voice soft but sharp. 

Yui looked up at him, eyes narrowed, and spat in his face. 

And that was it. 

Yui kicked him in the shins, and he reached out and grabbed her by the wrist, throwing her off to the side. She landed on her feet, however, and ran back at him, knotting her fingers in his hair. 

Oikawa was vaguely aware of Matsukawa cheering him on the background, and he was 99% sure Matsun was recording it on his phone, but the main thing running through his head was _this bitch just fucked up my hair_ on repeat. 

“Oh _fuck this_.” Oikawa spat, and yanked her hands out of his hair, ignoring the painful tugging sensation. She stepped back, and was moving towards him again, when he scooted around her and punched her in the kidney. 

It was a solid hit, sure to leave a bruise. Yui yelped and faltered for a moment, before turning around and launching herself at him, her nails long and pointed like claws. Oikawa only had time to think _Fuck_ before a nail scratched along his cheek. He swore, out loud this time, and shoved her away from him. She was still glaring at him, and though she was sweaty and panting, she looked ready to go another round at any time. Oikawa cracked his knuckles and was moving towards her when he heard it. 

“Ok, that’s it.” 

Suga came out of nowhere, and with a clean tap to Yui’s temple, she was out, clutching her head and kneeling on the ground. 

“Holy shit!” Matsukawa jeered, and Suga, cool as ice, wiped his hands off on his jeans and wandered back over to Oikawa. 

“Where’s Daichi at?” Oikawa asked, suddenly feeling rather weary. Yui didn’t respond for a long moment, until finally, she spoke. 

“Daichi said he was going to Asahi’s house last night.” She finally admitted. “He had got in an argument with some guy in a bunny suit after we fought, and then he left. He texted me after he was at the park for a bit.” She explained. Oikawa grit his teeth. Why the hell was the Easter Bunny still in the picture? Oikawa had been hoping he would’ve been off to the wayside long ago. 

Suga stared at her for a moment, with what appeared to be disgust on his face, but he then wandered over and helped Yui to her feet. 

“Are you kidding me?” Oikawa protested. Suga just ignored him. 

“Sorry about last night, and I’m sorry about this too. It’s been a long day for everybody, I think.” He apologized. Yui stared at him warily, but didn’t make any move to do anything. Once she was back on her feet, Suga turned and went to get in the car. 

“Suga!” Yui called. He turned to face her, and she rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. “See you on Monday?” she asked. Suga smiled, though not without a tinge of bitterness. 

“Yeah, see you on Monday.” 

With that, he entered the car. Oikawa followed behind him, climbing into the driver’s seat in a rather aggravated mood. 

“Hanamaki texted. He said that Ushiwaka’s super pissed. He’s resorting to blackmail to keep him from calling the cops.” Matsukawa relayed from the passenger’s seat. “He says you owe him a month’s worth of cream puffs.” 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Oikawa dismissed the message with a flippant wave of his hand. “Okay, next stop is Asahi’s house, right?” he asked. Suga nodded. 

“I can give you directions.” He suggested. Oikawa thanked him and floored it, screaming out of the movie theater parking lot. He was a man on a mission, and right now that mission was find Iwaizumi, hopefully through Daichi, go home, and go the fuck to sleep. 

“Oh, by the way.” Matsukawa interjected, “That fight with Yui was easily the most ratchet thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Congratulations, Oikawa.” 

“Thanks. I try.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep writing Michimiya as some kind of shrew, I swear I actually really like her I promise
> 
> For the record I feel like none of the characters in this would do any of these actions normally. It's been a long day for them, have pity 
> 
> Also let me know if there's any errors concerning conventions, I'm sick af rn so I'm a little loopy and do not currently have the brainpower to accurately check my own grammar


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody, long time no update!
> 
> I wanted to thank you all for reading this, your comments and support mean a lot to me, I really appreciate it. 
> 
> Also, I made a few edits to chapter three, if for some reason you feel like rereading. Nothing too major, I just changed a few things so they actually made sense. 
> 
> Anyway, Oikawa's still pretty unlucky and everything is still a mess. Nothing too illegal happens this time, though. 
> 
> Hope you like it!

Asahi’s house was, thankfully, not one of the resplendent ones of the suburbs, nor was it a giant mess after the events of the previous night. It was a cozy little number with cute window boxes stuffed with flowers and painted red shutters. Personally, Oikawa would’ve toned down the cutesy stuff, but he had no reason to say anything about it. 

Oikawa pulled up into his driveway, doing his level best to ignore the ever increasing headache building up behind his eyes. He idled for a few moments, attempting to collect his thoughts as best he could. 

Suga sat in the back seat, still fairly disgruntled looking. Based off of prior events, Oikawa couldn’t blame him. Bitch or no, Oikawa imagined it wasn’t very pleasant to punch your best friend’s girlfriend in the temple. Matsukawa was gleefully replaying the video he took of the fight over and over again, breaking into giggles every time Yui punched Oikawa in the face. 

“What happened to being the responsible and mature friend here?” Oikawa asked, recalling the scolding he had received after stealing Ushiwaka’s truck. Matsun shrugged. 

“Suga’s here now, he automatically gets that title.” He replied. 

“Suga just punched a girl in the head.” Oikawa remarked. Suga groaned. 

“Don’t remind me.” Matsukawa considered this for a moment. 

“Well then I guess we’re all a bunch of irresponsible chumps. Let’s go and see if Daichi’s here.” And with that, he crawled out of the car and ventured to the front door. 

Suga took the lead at this point, ringing the doorbell with little hesitation. Oikawa figured that this was only fair, considering that Asahi actually was his friend. Muffled barking sounded from behind the door, and a few moments later, it opened. 

Asahi had changed little from the last time Oikawa had seen him. Scruffy, with a man bun and beard, a vague hipster vibe emanating off of him, and an intimidating exterior that belied his sissy nature were his usual defining characteristics. He peered at his unexpected guests for a moment, then greeted them. 

“You all look like shit.” 

Oikawa tried to pretend that this casual comment hadn’t wounded him, while Matsukawa clearly couldn’t give less of a fuck. Suga merely quirked an eyebrow and pushed his way into the house past Asahi, who moved aside meekly. 

“Yeah, it’s been a long morning.” Suga remarked, making his way into the kitchen. Asahi followed along, a questioning look clearly apparent in his eyes, while Oikawa and Matsukawa trailed along, clearly a little uncomfortable. 

“Do you guys want water?” Suga asked, grabbing three glasses down before either of them replied. Asahi simply let him do it. Oikawa was beginning to understand why Daichi said he had a glass heart. He took the glass gratefully, and swallowed down several greedy gulps, before getting down to business. 

“Hey Asahi,” he inquired, “Is Daichi here? We’re looking for him.” Asahi nodded. 

“Yeah, he crashed on the floor upstairs. I’m amazed he managed to sleep for this long, actually.” He explained. Oikawa nodded gratefully, and Suga was already halfway up the stairs. 

“Thanks man.” Matsukawa acknowledged, and followed the rest of the posse. Asahi looked confused for a moment. 

“Wait, who is that guy? Wait, come here-“ But his words merely trailed off as the others ignored him. 

Asahi had not been kidding when he said that Daichi had crashed. He was sprawled across the floor in the center of the hallway, staining the carpet with a steady stream of drool. Suga tiptoed closer, and Oikawa couldn’t possibly miss the look of fondness in his eyes. He made a gagging noise, and Matsukawa shot him a questioning look. Oikawa made a dismissive hand gesture towards Daichi and Suga. 

“Look at him. He likes that guy so much, I want to throw up.” He muttered. Matsukawa rolled his eyes. 

“I don’t understand why you have such a problem with people being affectionate, especially considering how you and Iwaizumi get.” He remarked. Oikawa reared back in confusion. 

“What’re you talking about, Matsun? All Iwa-chan does is smack me around and act like he’s my mom.” He sniffed disdainfully. Matsukawa quirked an eyebrow at that, but didn’t make any comment. Oikawa turned his attention back to Daichi and Suga, his mood beginning to sour once more. 

Suga wasted little time in dropping to a squat and roughly shaking Daichi awake. His eyes snapped open, and he immediately bolted upright into a sitting position. The timing of this was rather unfortunate however, because his head collided with Suga’s with a heavy smack. 

“Fuck!” Daichi shouted, immediately cradling his head. Suga pressed his hands to his temples and gave an agonized groan. Oikawa let his most lecherous grin slid onto his face, despite the warning look Matsukawa shot him. 

“Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty. It’s a beautiful day.” He announced grandly, letting his voice lilt into a sing-song tone. Daichi squinted against the light flooding the highway and stared up at Oikawa for a moment, the leftover confusion from his sleep clouding his perception. However, as soon as he realized who it was, his face dipped into an impressive scowl. 

“Oh great, the jackass is here.” He snarked, slowly dragging himself to his feet. Oikawa felt his grin becoming more condescending the more he spoke. 

“No need to be bitter, Sawamura, not all of us can do well at the Interhighs.” He laughed. Suga shot him a filthy look and shuffled imperceptibly closer to Daichi. The latter only gave Oikawa a level stare that was somehow more terrifying than any threat would have been. Matsukawa elbowed Oikawa roughly in the ribs. 

“We’re trying to get their help, not remind them of how badly we whipped their asses.” He smirked, the latter part conveying an arrogant tone. Suga bristled again and Matsun gave him a shit eating grin. 

“We just beat up a gir together not twenty minutes ago and we’re already turning on each other.” Suga sighed, rolling his eyes. Daichi took a double take, and Suga realized exactly what he had said. 

“Wait, you beat up a girl? What the fuck?” he asked. Suga fidgeted nervously, and Oikawa watched anxiously, seeing what he would do. There was a long, uncomfortable pause. How the hell did you break it to your best friend that you punched his girlfriend in the head? 

“She deserved it, that’s all that matters.” Oikawa finally interjected, eager to move the conversation along. “Anyway, that’s not what’s important.” He continued. 

“I feel like you beating a girl up is pretty important, but okay, whatever you say.” Daichi acquiesced, still looking vaguely suspicious. “What do you want? Let me know quickly so you can get out of here and I don’t have to deal with your obnoxious ass anymore.” 

“No need to be snippy, we just want to know if you’ve seen Iwaizumi anywhere. We heard you were hanging out with him last night, and we can’t find him. Frankly, it’d be pretty nice to get him back.” Oikawa explained. Daichi paused for a moment, apparently considering. 

“Well, I got in the fight with the Easter Bunny,” he began, his face clouding over, “and I went to the park and Iwaizumi and Kyoutani were there. Kyoutani took off after we started making fun of him-“ 

“Wait, what?” Oikawa interjected, “Why were you making fun of him?” he demanded, immediately snapping into overprotective teammate mode. Upon the questioning, Daichi busted into giggles, clutching his gut. 

“Fuck, okay. It was like this-“ At this point, he fell into another fit of laughter. Oikawa watched, frankly unimpressed. The conversation carried on like this for several minutes, with Daichi attempting to speak and merely laughing over and over again. Finally, he collected himself. 

“Okay, so Kyoutani likes Yahaba, right?” Daichi began. Oikawa nodded in confirmation, because that puppy crush was obvious to everyone on the team. “So, Iwaizumi and Kyoutani and I were talking about feelings and shit, and Kyoutani brought his crush up. Apparently, they’ve hooked up once or twice, but aren’t official, I guess?” Daichi shrugged at this point. Oikawa was frankly surprised that Daichi had managed to have a long enough conversation with Kyoutani to learn any of this. That took talent. 

“Anyway, Kyoutani said that a little while ago, Yahaba had suggested fucking at one point, and Kyoutani said no because he was nervous, right? He wasn’t quite sure what that would feel like. So-get this-he goes home, and sees his mom’s got a few tampons in the bathroom drawer.” At this point, Daichi started to cackle again, and Oikawa was finding it harder and harder to tamp down the feeling of dread building up in his stomach. 

“And, he fucking-he fucking- he fucking takes the tampon,” Daichi paused for a moment, wiping tears out of his eyes, “And shoves it up his ass!” Suga put his hand over his mouth, Matsukawa immediately doubled over with laughter, and Oikawa stood there in shock. 

“Oh. My god.” Was all he could bring himself to say. Suga was beginning to giggle a bit despite himself, and Daichi was howling with laughter. 

“He thought that having a tampon in there would be close enough to the same thing!” he cried, clutching his gut. Oikawa couldn’t help but feel a little bit of pity for Yahaba. He wondered what it was like, having a boyfriend that was a complete and utter dumbass. 

“Ok, I guess that is a pretty good reason to tease him.” He conceded. Daichi nodded, and took a moment to collect himself. 

“Anyway,” he continued, “Kyoutani took off after that, so Iwaizumi and I left the park. It was fine, but then Iwaizumi saw that it was getting late, so he called somebody, but they didn’t pick up. He was a little pissed after that, and he said he was gonna go for a walk and not to wait up for him. We weren’t too far from my house when that happened, so I guess you could try looking around there?” Daichi offered. Oikawa nodded. It wasn’t much, but it was better than nothing. 

“Awesome. Thank you, I appreciate it.” Oikawa thanked him, and turned to leave. Matsukawa was close on his heels, still giggling about Kyoutani’s misguided attempt. 

“Yeah, no problem.” Daichi replied. Suga stayed behind, though his expression seemed rather pensive. Oikawa wondered if he was ever going to tell Daichi what happened with Yui. 

The two of them gave an affirming nod to Asahi as they left the building, and they piled into the car yet again. 

“You know where Daichi’s house is?” Matsukawa asked. Oikawa nodded. 

“Yeah, I threw eggs at his house freshman year.” He explained. Matsukawa smirked. 

“Of course you did. Alright, let’s go.” 

Daichi’s house was close to an elementary school, and as a result was crowded with various PTA moms and sweet old ladies. It reminded Oikawa a bit of something out of a horror movie, like one of the ones where everyone seemed really sweet and wholesome when they were actually fucking crazy. Oikawa felt like it explained a lot about Daichi. 

“How much do you want to bet Iwaizumi is passed out in front of the school?” Matsukawa asked, scrolling through his phone. Oikawa gave a wry smile at that, and took a moment to evaluate his appearance in the mirror. His hair was beyond saving, and his eyes were bloodshot and raw looking. From his rumpled clothes to his frazzled demeanor, Oikawa looked like the type of person people would call the cops on if he set foot near the elementary. Not to mention the fact that he still didn’t have any pants. He grabbed his aviators from the glove compartment and slid them on. They did little to help the situation. 

“What do you think the odds are of us getting close to the elementary without being spotted?” he asked. “Give me your best estimate.” Matsukawa responded immediately. 

“If we take one step near there, we’re fucked. Soccer moms tend to not look very kindly on shady hungover teenagers hanging around an elementary school.” He remarked. Oikawa pursed his lips. 

“Should we check somewhere else around here first then? Just to make sure that we don’t risk getting arrested for nothing?” Oikawa suggested. Matsukawa shrugged. 

“It’s your call man. Based off of how well Hanamaki’s doing with Ushijima, you might end up going to jail either way.” He said. Oikawa made a distasteful face. 

“Gee, thanks for the encouragement.” He remarked. He heaved a deep sigh and kicked back the recliner of his seat, staring up at the beige car ceiling. 

“Can we just take a break for a sec? We’ve been running around all morning, and we’re not any closer to figuring anything out. I’m hungover and I have a headache and I’m tired.” He griped. Matsukawa rolled his eyes. 

“You’re so whiny.” He complained, but he pushed his chair back too, and returned to scrolling through his phone. He opened up snapchat, and ran through everyone’s stories. Oikawa saw multiple pictures of the Easter Bunny, much to his chagrin, and a new video on Kageyama’s story. It was captioned with a series of maple leaf emojis and a cigarette emoji. 

Kageyama was obviously high off of his ass, with his eyes bloodshot and his face more relaxed than Oikawa had ever seen it. He was clenching a plastic fork between his teeth, and flicking it repeatedly. After a moment, he gave a huge, doofy grin, smiled over at the camera and said, “Look, Hinata, it’s like a third tooth.” However, he said it with the fork still in his mouth, so it sounded more like “Look, Hinafa, ish like a fird toof.” 

The next picture showed Kageyama crying his eyes out, captioned “He spilled his powerade lmao.” Oikawa shook his head slowly. 

“Unbelievable.” He snorted. Matsukawa shook his head. 

“I know, right? That lucky bastard got to go and get baked while I’m stuck here being forced to look after my asshole friends.” He whined. Oikawa shot him a look, and he shrugged. 

“That’s not what I meant, you fucking stoner.” Oikawa rolled his eyes, though not without a trace of humor. Matsukawa made a dismissive motion with his hand. 

“What can I say, I like to relax once in a while.” He replied. 

“Try every other day.” 

“That’s not true.” 

Oikawa let out a light laugh and ran his fingers through his hair, blindly hoping that it would help with his day old appearance. He was enjoying the opportunity to calm down after a while. So far today, he had already lost his pants, stolen a car, gotten into a fight, and learned that his teammates did stupid shit like shove tampons up their asses. He felt like he deserved a bit of a break. 

If Iwaizumi were here, he’d probably start fiddling with the radio until they reached some classic rock station. He’d tap his fingers against his thighs in time with the beat, and he and Oikawa would talk about nothing in particular until their asses went numb from sitting too long and they couldn’t think of anything to speak about. He’d probably end up falling asleep like the dork he is, or maybe he’d wax poetic about the smallest things, like the leaves falling off the trees or how the car smelled like cheap cologne and vodka. 

Oikawa hummed to himself quietly, lost in his thoughts, while he and Matsukawa sat in companionable silence. 

They were broken free of their reverie when a sharp rapping sounded from the window. 

Oikawa scrambled to a proper sitting position and rolled down the window, and was greeted by the stony face of what was absolutely a cop. 

“Afternoon, boys. Can I talk to you for a few minutes?” the cop asked, her voice leaving little room for argument. 

Perhaps loitering in front of an elementary school for several minutes looking shady as all hell wasn’t such a great idea. 

Matsukawa frantically elbowed Oikawa in the side and showed him a text from Hanamaki. 

_Sent 12:04 PM_

_From: Makki_

_Ushijima called the cops :O_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclosure, both the tampon and third tooth stories are based off of things that happened to my friends. I was only present for the second one, thank god, but I assure you that both of those events absolutely happened to real people.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! 
> 
> It's been too long I'm so sorry. Finals week, three recitals, and multiple weeks of not getting home before midnight combined with work and general stress ended up kicking my ass. Good news is that it's almost spring break, so I should have plenty of time to write!
> 
> Thank you all for the lovely comments, I appreciate every single one, even though I'm shit when it comes to responding to them :/
> 
> Next up I'm trying to update my collab with CountessCzan and then the Princess Bride AU, so stay tuned!
> 
> Thank you!

Oikawa liked to think he was pretty good under pressure. When he was on the court, he could focus like none other, and dedicate his entire concentration towards the game. He could devote his attention to a scenario, analyze it, and carefully decide what play to make, all in under a few seconds. It was part of what made him so successful at volleyball, this ability to remain calm and examine possibilities quickly. 

Despite all of this, when Oikawa read the text from Makki, his mind went completely blank. He found himself at a loss, meekly stepping out of the car with Matsun shifting along uncomfortably behind him. The police officer gave him a disapproving glance and tapped her foot against the asphalt as she waited for him to emerge. 

“We’ve had reports of a young man matching your description stealing a car today. That ring any bells?” the cop inquired, attempting to tuck a lock of blonde hair behind her ear. Her name tag read “Tanaka” on it. Oikawa and Matsun shared a not-too-subtle glance, and Matsukawa gave Oikawa an expectant look. Oikawa scrunched his nose and turned to face the cop. It looked like he was going to be the one to get them out of this mess. 

He put on his best smile, the one that made him seem disarming and pleasant, not at all like the type of asshole who would steal a car because he was abandoned in a Walmart parking lot. 

“Um, no, miss, that doesn’t sound familiar to me. I don’t know about you, but I typically don’t choose to go and steal cars in my free time.” He remarked. The rather snide comment earned him a threatening gaze from the cop and an elbow in the ribs from Matsun. 

“Oikawa, now is _really not_ the time to be a little shit, no matter how good you are at it.” He hissed, sending meaningful glances towards the police officer. Tanaka pulled a notebook out of her pocket and flipped through it, staring at Oikawa with a steely gaze. 

“My information states that a young male with brown hair and brown eyes, about 6 feet, wearing alien boxers, stole a silver truck today and drove recklessly with it, then attempted to pass the crime off to his friend.” Tanaka explained, nodding towards Oikawa’s rather distinctive boxers. Suddenly, the aliens winking at him from the dark blue fabric did not seem nearly as entertaining as they usually did. 

“Oh fuck.” Matsukawa whispered. 

“Shut up, Matsun, Jesus Christ!” Oikawa muttered. His brain was racing to think of a solution, but he was coming up relatively empty handed. He hated going into anything without any semblance of a plan, but that appeared to be his only option. 

“Well, you see, officer, there’s a bit more to the situation than you may realize.” He began. Tanaka raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow incredulously. 

“You must understand, I was in a bit of a bind, and I technically didn’t _steal_ the car so much as _borrow_ it. I was stranded in a parking lot and the owner was being a huge asshole, so I decided to-MATSUN RUN!” Oikawa shrieked, and sprinted in the opposite direction as fast as his legs could carry him. 

There was a brief pause, and for a moment Oikawa could only hear his footsteps slapping against the ground. His heart began to sank, and he was sixty thousand percent sure he looked like a huge jackass. However, soon another pair of footsteps joined his, and Oikawa looked behind him to see Matsukawa hauling ass to catch up to him. Oikawa felt a surge of relief and let out a whoop of joy. 

“Fuck fuck fuck hurry up Matsun go go go!” he gasped. 

“HEY! If you don’t get back here in the next thirty god damn seconds I’ll kick your ass into next week!” Tanaka called, and Oikawa was greeted with the mildly terrifying sound of a third set of footsteps joining his and Matsun’s. 

“Oikawa you stupid fuck I swear to god if I end up in jail I will prison shank you in _thirty fucking seconds_ , do you understand?” Matsun shrieked. Oikawa shook his head, refusing to entertain even the thought of failure. 

“Jeez, Matsun, with how often you smoke weed I figured you’d have more experience running from the cops.” He wheezed, doing his level best to ignore the indignant shouts of Tanaka behind him. 

“I am not a fucking stoner!” Matsukawa protested, and without warning, sprinted off to the side, vaulted the old wooden fence, and disappeared into someone’s backyard. Oikawa only had a split second to follow him, praying to God that he could actually make it over the fence. 

“See,” Oikawa muttered to himself, careening towards the fence, “he says he’s not a stoner, and that he doesn’t run from the cops, and then he goes and does shit like that.” He sighed, and leaped up, scrabbling over the decrepit planks without half the amount of grace that Matsun did. He landed on the grass, wincing at the twinge in his knee, and paused for a moment. He turned around, and saw no sign of the police officer. He let out a relieved sigh, and frowned upon examining his hands. They were covered in slivers, and scraped raw. Matsukawa slowed to a stop a few paces in front of him. 

“What’s the matter, dude?” he asked. Oikawa pouted, and showed Matsukawa his hands, only to be greeted with an unimpressed expression. 

“You mean to tell me that you’re running from the cops and you’re upset because you have a couple of slivers?” he asked, his tone incredulous. Oikawa rolled his eyes. 

“Matsun, I am the captain and setter of our team! I am nothing less than the flagship of Seijoh! I’m concerned for you all, that’s all. How are you supposed to win a game without me?” he teased, picking a sliver out of his palm. Matsukawa narrowed his eyes, and was surely about to give a snappy retort when a commotion sounded from the other side of the fence. 

Oikawa couldn’t think, couldn’t even breathe as Tanaka vaulted the fence with the grace of an elite gymnast and landed softly on her feet, like a cat. No, not a cat, a panther. A panther that was about to fuck up its prey horrendously. Tanaka leveled her gaze on the two boys, and gave a determined smirk. 

“Surely you didn’t think you’d get rid of me that easily?” she chuckled, and Oikawa nearly shit his pants. He turned to run away, and saw that Matsun was already gone, leaping into the adjacent backyard. He was about to take a step to follow him, when a hand dug into the back of his collar and yanked him down on his ass. He was quickly manhandled to lay face down on the grass, and as Tanaka shoved his head into the dirt, he couldn’t help but think that she was enjoying it a little too much. She snatched his wrists, and he felt the unmistakable sensation of cold metal cuffs closing on his skin. 

“Oikawa Tooru,” the officer announced, “you are under arrest for theft, resisting arrest, and generally being a pain in my ass. Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law.” 

“Fuck you.” Oikawa muttered. Tanaka raised an eyebrow. 

“Never heard that one before.” She remarked, her sarcasm bordering on caustic. “Get up.” 

She marched Oikawa around the house, taking care to close the gate behind her, and led him to her car. She shoved him into the backseat without preamble, and pulled out a walkie-talkie. 

“Akiteru.” She spoke into the receiver with a surprisingly soft tone, considering her ability to inspire sheer terror. “I’ve got a perp running along St. Clair, cutting through people’s backyards. Tall, kinda scruffy looking, probably a stoner, wearing a gray hoodie and jeans with holes in the knees. Let me know if you see him, I’m taking his buddy in now.” With these words, she clambered into the driver’s seat, turned on her siren, and careened down the street, Oikawa sitting in the back. 

He had never been more grateful that his parents were out of town in his life. 

Speaking of parents, he had gone to all of this trouble, even gotten arrested, and _he still had no clue where Iwa-chan was._

He let out a mighty groan and slumped down in his seat, while Tanaka shot him an unimpressed look. 

“I don’t know why you look so dejected. You should’ve known this was coming the second you stole the car.” She admonished. Oikawa only groaned louder in response and steadfastly refused to make eye contact. 

The police station was pretty quiet, all things considered. Aside from a few disgruntled looking citizens, the lobby was empty, save for the receptionist sitting at the desk. Saeko dragged Oikawa back, took his fingerprints, and shoved him into a holding cell with little fanfare. She yanked the handcuffs off with a frankly excessive amount of force, and stalked off, presumably to go help Akiteru, whoever the hell that was, catch Matsun. Oikawa buried his face in his hands, unwilling to accept his current reality. The jail cell was dank and uncomfortable, with only a cot sitting in the corner providing furnishing. 

In a rather ineffective attempt to entertain himself, Oikawa set about picking the slivers from the fence out of his hands. He was embroiled in this task until he heard a voice pipe up from behind him. 

“What’re you in for?” 

Oikawa turned around, only to see a diminutive man sitting in the cell across from him. He bore an impressive head of spiked hair, with a single dyed streak running up the center. A ugly green bruise bloomed across his cheek, and his knuckles were bleeding. Oikawa shuffled uncomfortably before answering. 

“I uh, I stole a car.” He replied. The man looked vaguely unimpressed for some reason. Oikawa couldn’t help but eye him a little warily. Something about him was really…intense. Almost like Iwaizumi, but without the undercurrent of affection that was usually there. 

“I’ve got indecent exposure, underage drinking, and general rowdiness.” The man replied. Oikawa couldn’t properly suppress his giggle. 

“So you’re saying all you did was get way too hammered. Congratulations, you’re a real badass.” He mocked, unable to hide his teasing grin. The smaller man bristled and angrily pointed a finger in Oikawa’s face. 

“I’ll have you know that I’m a legend around here! One cry of “rolling thunder” and everyone here will be pissing themselves trying to get away from me!” he declared. Oikawa furrowed his brow. 

“Rolling thunder? That sounds familiar. Wait… no way!” he shouted, unable to hide his laughter. His fellow inmate appeared confused. 

“You’re the libero from Karasuno! Nishinoya, right? Oh man, this is hilarious. Do Suga Daichi and Asahi know you’re in here?” he cackled. Noya stiffened for a moment, then reluctantly shook his head. 

“You’re going to be in so much shit.” Oikawa giggled, fully aware of Daichi and Suga’s paternal dispositions. Noya rolled his eyes and moved to sit on his cot. 

“You’re one to talk. Don’t you have Iwaizumi to bother you? What do you think _he’d_ do if he found out you were here?” Noya challenged. Oikawa tried not to shudder at the thought. Chances are he’d kick his ass into next month. 

“Whatever.” Oikawa grunted, waving his hand dismissively. Noya, seemingly irritated, looked ready to prepare a response, but was cut off by the arrival of a newcomer. 

Matsukawa looked like shit. Twigs were ensnared in his bushy black hair, and his jeans sported a fresh set of holes around the calves. His expression was sour as he was shoved into the cell with Oikawa, and he didn’t speak a word after he entered. 

Oikawa knew he was in the shit now. 

“Uh, Matsun…?” he ventured. Matsukawa did not respond. Oikawa swallowed hard. 

“I’m, uh, really sorry about-“ Matsukawa raised a hand to cut him off. 

“It’s cool, I guess. But if you don’t stop talking we’re going to have bigger issues here in a sec.” 

“…Ok.” 

The minutes passed by in silence after that. It was maddening. Oikawa had never been so bored in his life. He’d already had his suspicions, but now it was official. He would never survive prison. He almost wished Matsukawa would make good on his promise to shank him, just so he would have something to do. Noya had returned to moping in his cell, apparently no longer willing to make conversation, though Oikawa couldn’t possibly imagine why. 

The monotony was broken by Hanamaki’s arrival. He glared at Matsukawa through the bars of the cell, his disapproval plain on his face. 

“Look,” he admonished, “I know a lot of people go for the bad boy types, but this is a really bad way to get me to be attracted to you.” He remarked, an impish grin crossing his face. Oikawa rolled his eyes. 

“Christ, Makki that was awful. Why are you here?” he asked. Hanamaki rolled his eyes in return. 

“I’m here to bail my idiot boyfriend out of jail, why are you here? Oh wait, because you’re a jackass. That’s why.” 

Upon hearing these words, Matsukawa gave a disgustingly genuine grin, and Oikawa couldn’t help but feel happy for his friends. Ew. 

Or at least, he felt happy until he reexamined Hanamaki’s words. 

“Wait, you’re only bailing out Matsun? What about me?” he pleaded. Hanamaki shrugged. 

“Sorry, dude, I’m a broke bitch with my priorities straight. I can’t bail out both of you no matter what I do.” He explained. Oikawa wanted to cry. Nothing about this weekend was going his way. Hanamaki shrugged. 

“There’s not much I can do right now, I’m sorry Oikawa.” He sighed. Oikawa shook his head. 

“No, it’s ok. I got Matsun in this mess, he deserves to get out before me.” 

“Damn right I do.” Matsukawa muttered, and a police officer stepped forward to open the cell. Matsukawa stepped out and immediately wrapped Hanamaki in a bear hug while the latter giggled like a fool. Oikawa wanted to throw up. His friends waved goodbye, and all Oikawa could do was watch their receding backs in the distance. There was a long moment of silence. 

“This fucking sucks.” He finally sighed. He curled up in a fetal position on his cot, and closed his eyes. The way he saw it, if he was going to be stuck in jail for a night, the least he could do was catch up on his beauty sleep. 

He drifted in and out of consciousness, consistently being woken up by the uncomfortable surface of the cot. It was the worst nap he had ever taken in his life, and that included the one where Iwa-chan had drawn a mustache on him in sharpie. 

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but it was dark outside when he finally regained full consciousness. He squinted against the fluorescent lights, and was struggling to regain his bearings, when he saw Tanaka standing by his cell. She bore a sour, begrudging expression. 

“You’ve got someone here to see you.” She announced. She was about ready to say something, when she was cut off by a mighty roar. 

“OIKAWA FUCKING TOORU, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” 

Oikawa immediately snapped to attention, his eyes wide. He knew that voice, recognized it before the owner of it even rounded in the corner. Oikawa was confronted with a familiar set of green eyes, spiky black hair, and most worrisome, a furious expression. 

“Iwa-Chan! Where the hell have you been?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're pretty much past the halfway mark at this point, I'm guessing there'll be maybe two or three chapters after this? I need to wrap up loose ends and see where everything goes from there. Thanks for sticking with me this far!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! 
> 
> The identity of the easter bunny is revealed and we get a better look at what exactly happened last night
> 
> Enjoy!

A vein pulsed menacingly in Iwa-chan’s head, and Oikawa knew at that point that he had about thirty seconds to live. He barely had time to duck and avoid the hand coming to smack his head, and he knew immediately that he was in the shit now. 

“Where was I? Where the hell were you?” Iwaizumi demanded, his hands curled into fists. “You are in _jail_ , Shittykawa! What have you been doing?” he roared. Oikawa folded his arms in a defensive stance. 

“I was looking for you, Iwa-chan! You went missing out of nowhere, and nobody had any clue where you were! I was freaking out!” he protested, beginning to pout. Iwaizumi stayed silent for an eerily long period of time. Oikawa could see the muscles in his jaw clench, and he instinctively took a step back. 

“You want to know where I was, dumbass?” Iwa-chan finally grumbled. Oikawa nodded. “Are you sure? One hundred percent?” he asked. Oikawa nodded again, a little confused at the question. Iwaizumi’s face turned downwards in a snarl that put the fear of god in Oikawa and pulled out his phone. 

“I was at _work_ , you dumbass! I was at my _job_. You know, the thing people do to make a living? Crazy, right?” he snapped, thumbing through his phone. He held the screen up to show Oikawa, which clearly displayed _47 missed calls._

“Do you have any idea how annoying it is when the X-files theme keeps going off when I’m trying to talk to a customer? _Do you?_ I almost got _fired_ , Trashykawa! How the hell do you expect me to keep buying you milk bread if I don’t get paid?” he demanded. 

Despite all the stupid shit that Oikawa had done within the last twenty four hours, despite stealing a car, getting in a fight and running from the cops, he had never felt more like a jackass in his life than at that exact moment. 

“You were…just at work?” he trailed off towards the end, and felt a blush creeping up his face. 

“Yes, Oikawa, I was just at work. That’s it. Now, care to explain why you’re sitting in a jail cell?” Iwaizumi asked. Oikawa fidgeted uncomfortably, not quite sure where to start. 

“Well, it’s kind of a funny story, now that you mention it, Iwa-chan,” he rambled, trying to word his explanation in a way that wouldn’t get him smacked, “It started when I woke up in someone else’s house.” With this, he relayed the events of the past day to Iwa-chan as best as he could remember them. 

Iwaizumi had never looked more disappointed in anything in his life. He placed his head in his hands and let out a loud groan. 

“God, I knew we shouldn’t have gone to that party. Everything started to go downhill as soon as you found that damn bunny suit.” He sighed. Oikawa nodded in agreement, but something about that sentence made him pause. 

“Wait, what was that about the bunny suit?” he asked, though he wasn’t entirely sure if he wanted to know the answer. Iwaizumi shot him another nasty glare. 

“Last night, after god knows how much vodka, you found a bunny suit in Hanamaki’s closet, and thought it’d be a fan-fucking-tastic idea to wear it around the rest of the night.” 

Oikawa’s vision tunneled as he recalled the pictures he had seen that morning. The picture of Seijoh with him missing. The snapchat of a man in an Easter Bunny suit trying to twerk on the dance floor. The embarrassing selfies plastered all over Twitter. 

Oikawa hadn’t fucked the Easter Bunny. 

He _was_ the Easter Bunny. 

He buried his face in his hands and tried his best to suppress a shriek. 

“Oh my god.” He groaned. Iwaizumi nodded. 

“Oh my god is right. I was embarrassed to be seen with you.” Oikawa shot him a truly withering glare and rubbed his eyes. 

“You don’t have to be such a dick about it.” He snapped. Iwaizumi fixed Oikawa with a threatening stare. 

“Oh, I think I’ve earned every right to be a dick here. You _stole a car,_ Oikawa. You were _arrested._ I get off of work, only to hear from Hanamaki and Matsukawa that you’ve been running around town without pants, getting in fights and running from the police! How stupid can you get?” he roared, clenching his hands into fists. “I don’t care whether you thought I was missing or not, you’ve got to at least think about yourself for once in your damn life!” 

Oikawa shrank back, feeling uncharacteristically guilty. Iwaizumi shook his head at him for a moment, then stood back and watched as Tanaka went to unlock the cell. Oikawa shuffled out of it with a kicked puppy sort of look about him. He trailed along obediently behind Iwaizumi, who still radiated an aura of pure fury, and waited as Iwaizumi unlocked his car. He slid into the passenger’s seat and heaved a heavy sigh. 

For the first time since Oikawa could remember, the silence between the two was uncomfortable. Oikawa knew he needed to apologize, to do something, because Iwa-chan was obviously extremely irritated, but for once, he wasn’t sure how to start. Usually he could just treat Iwa-chan to a night of Godzilla movies and agedashi tofu, and things would patch themselves up fairly quickly. However, his intuition told him that this wouldn’t be the case. 

They sat in the car for a few minutes, noting but silence permeating the air. Iwaizumi made no move to start the engine. Oikawa racked his brain for something, _anything¸_ that would help him fix this, but he was drawing up a blank. 

After what seemed like an eternity, Iwaizumi heaved a heavy sigh, and dragged Oikawa across the console and wrapped him up in a bone crushing hug. 

“Don’t you ever fucking do anything like this again. You’re going to give me an ulcer from worrying about you all the time.” He growled, and pulled away. He shoved his keys in the ignition and pulled out into the street, turning on the radio and fiddling with the stations like he always did. Oikawa was comforted by the familiar actions, the soothing routine of Iwa-chan humming tunelessly to the music as he drove with one hand on the steering wheel and the other tapping out rhythms on his thigh. 

“So, since you obviously remember more about last night than I do, do you have any other fabulous tidbits to share, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa asked, out of sheer morbid curiosity. Iwaizumi bit his lip in thought. 

“Well, I know that Yahaba is the one who drew dicks on Kyoutani’s face.” He began. 

“What?” Oikawa shrieked, his expression incredulous. “No way!” Iwaizumi nodded, looking disturbingly proud of his underclassman. 

“Well, I think Yahaba was upset because Kyoutani was being so hesitant about taking things further, and decided to fuck with him a bit? I don’t remember the exact reason, I just remember that it was petty as hell and that Yahaba kept muttering something about ‘subliminal messaging’ the whole time.” He explained. Oikawa did his best to tamp down his concern and decided to press onward. 

“Any others?” he asked, praying that things wouldn’t get too much worse. 

“Well, after a little while, Kuroo ran out of the door with Kenma hanging over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and a bunch of people followed him I guess? I think Lev, Yaku, Yamamoto, Tanaka, Ennoshita, Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi? Oh, Bokuto and Akaashi went too. That was right about when I was getting ready to leave. I don’t know where you were then, but basically the party split into a bunch of little different parties at that point.” 

“Oh, you did leave, that’s right. You went to the park with Daichi and Kyoutani, right?” Oikawa asked. Iwaizumi nodded, making a turn towards Oikawa’s house. Oikawa paused for a moment, and an idea occurred to him. 

“Hey, do you know where Kuroo lives?” he ventured. Iwaizumi shrugged. 

“I don’t know the exact address, but I’m pretty sure he’s stuck out in the suburbs, kind of by the Walmart?” he guessed. Oikawa sighed in resignation and nodded. Another mystery solved. 

“Why do you ask?” Iwaizumi asked. 

“I’m pretty sure I woke up in Kuroo’s house this morning, which would make sense, because it’s a disaster from what I saw. Nobody was home though.” Oikawa explained, deep in thought. Iwaizumi frowned. 

“Is that why you ran into Ushijima?” he asked. Oikawa nodded. 

“Apparently they live pretty close to each other. I feel bad for Kuroo.” He remarked. Iwaizumi pursed his lips and turned into Oikawa’s driveway. Oikawa instinctively reached for his house keys, and remembered that he was still only wearing his boxers. 

He climbed out of the car, following along behind Iwaizumi. 

“Actually, would you have any idea where my pants went? I couldn’t find them this morning.” Oikawa asked. Iwaizumi pulled Oikawa’s spare key out of his pocket and unlocked the door. 

“Did you try checking inside the Easter Bunny suit?” Iwaizumi guessed. Oikawa shook his head. 

“The thing creeped me out so much I ran out of the room when I saw it.” He admitted. Iwaizumi snorted quietly and ventured into the house. Oikawa immediately made a beeline towards the kitchen and made himself a sandwich to snack on. A thought occurred to him while he chomped on his sandwich, and Oikawa furrowed his brow. 

“Hey, Iwa-chan. Why did you go to the park with Daichi and Kyoutani anyway?” he asked, curiosity welling up within him. 

Oddly enough, Iwaizumi began to blush. 

“Uh, no reason.” He avoided the subject with his typical lack of grace, and Oikawa narrowed his eyes. 

“You’re a shitty liar, Iwa-chan. Did something happen? You could’ve just gone to Kuroo’s house with me. Why’d you go to the park?” he asked. Iwaizumi stammered for a moment, clearly struggling, until the conversation was unfortunately interrupted by a tinny rendition of “Boss Ass Bitch” sounded from Oikawa’s phone. Iwaizumi shot him an unimpressed glare, clearly disapproving of his taste in music, but Oikawa merely stuck his tongue out at him and answered his phone. 

Suga’s voice was a shrill shriek. “Oikawa!” 

Oikawa winced and reared back from the phone, rubbing his ear. 

“What’s the matter, Suga?” he asked. 

“Yui’s back, and she’s trying to tell Daichi what happened! What do I do?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was hoping for the reveal to be a bigger surprise but like half of y'all guessed it already rip me 
> 
> All that's left is to wrap up Daisuga and any lose ends, and we should be done! I'm guessing there'll be about two more chapters, if not three? Thanks for sticking with me this far!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took so long, I had writer's block like you would not believe. 
> 
> This chapter wraps up a couple of loose ends and sets up everything for the finale~
> 
> Next chapter will be the last one of this fic (then again when I first started this I intended it to be a oneshot)
> 
> Thank you all for sticking with me this far, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it and I'm very thankful.
> 
> Enjoy!

“I suggest you start praying now.” Oikawa deadpanned. The silence on the other end of the phone spoke volumes. 

“Don’t tell me you’re actually praying. You haven’t gone to church once in your life.” 

“It’s a dire situation, Oikawa.” Suga responded, and his voice was devoid of all hope. 

“I mean, you could try punching her again. Apparently that works pretty well.” Oikawa suggested. 

“Dude, I’m serious. I need some help here. She’s driving down the street now. Oikawa, she looks _so pissed_. I’m going to die. Tell Daichi I love him.” Suga sighed, already giving up the ghost. Oikawa rolled his eyes. 

“And they say I’m the melodramatic one.” He commented. “Did you try to convince her not to?” 

“I feel like she wouldn’t be very inclined to listen to me. I mean, I punched her in the head.” Suga remarked. “That’s kind of the core of the issue.” 

Oikawa bit his lip, deep in thought. “What’s the worst possible thing that could happen if she told Daichi what happened?” 

“Well, considering he is my best friend and I got in a fight with his girlfriend, he’d probably stop talking to me, for at least a month or two because of his damn stubborn streak.” Suga sighed. Oikawa furrowed his brow. 

“Don’t you think it would be worse if you kept it hidden from him for a long time? He’d probably be angrier if you tried to keep it a secret. In a sense, Yui telling him now might be the better option.” Oikawa reasoned. 

“Wait, hold that thought for a second. She just pulled up in the driveway. Oh god, that’s a nasty bruise she’s got. Hold up.” At this point, Oikawa heard a scream that sounded closer to a war cry, and then a loud _thwack_. 

“Jesus Christ!” Suga shouted. Oikawa yanked the phone away from his ear at the sudden change in volume and glared at the screen. Iwaizumi shot him a questioning look, and Oikawa put the phone on speaker. 

There was muffled cursing echoing across the line, accompanied by occasional thuds that frankly left Oikawa concerned. After a moment, Yui’s voice cut through over the line. 

“Fucking—Bitch—I swear to _god_ —“ There was a loud clatter, and Suga’s voice sounded more distant. 

“Try to hit me again, bitch, I fucking _dare you_ —“ 

“Did he drop his phone?” Iwaizumi asked. Oikawa nodded. 

“Yeah, I think so.” 

A car alarm sounded off out of nowhere, blaring obnoxiously through the phone. 

“Help! Help! This asshole broke my car window!” Yui cried. 

“You’re crazy! I didn’t fucking touch your car!” Suga replied. Oikawa and Iwaizumi shared a worried glance. 

“Do you think we should-?” Oikawa asked, pointing towards the door. Iwaizumi already had his keys in his hand. 

“Way ahead of you.” He replied, pulling on his shoes. Oikawa kept his phone on, and urged Iwaizumi to hurry as a few shrieks sounded. He slid into the passenger seat and listened at Daichi’s voice cut through the fray. 

“What the fuck are you guys doing?” Daichi shouted. There was a brief moment of complete silence, before a loud thud sounded and Suga gave a cry of pain. 

“What the hell, Yui? What are you doing?” Daichi demanded. There was a bit of static, and then the call ended. Oikawa’s eyes widened, and he poked Iwaizumi’s thigh. 

“Hurry the fuck up, Iwa-chan.” 

“I’m going, Shittykawa. We’re almost there.” 

When they pulled up to Daichi’s driveway, it was an absolute disaster. Yui was screaming about something or other, Suga had a split lip, a fine layer of broken grass covered the cement, and Daichi was trying to hold his girlfriend off from launching herself at Suga. The screen of Suga’s phone was cracked, probably from dropping it, and the window of Yui’s car was smashed inwards. Rather tellingly, Yui’s knuckles were bleeding. 

Oikawa leapt out of the car and jogged over to the scene, Iwaizumi at his side. Suga saw them and visibly sighed in relief. 

“Oh thank god.” He sighed. Daichi didn’t seem particularly worse for the wear, only extremely irritated, and his mood didn’t seem to improve much upon seeing the two of them. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked, still holding Yui firmly in place. Oikawa stuck his tongue out and flashed a peace sign at Yui. 

“We heard that a certain young lady’s car window was smashed, and we just wanted to help.” Oikawa drawled, his voice carrying a trace of venom directed towards Yui. 

“He smashed my fucking window!” Yui declared, moving to run towards Suga. Oikawa rolled his eyes. 

“Oh please. I’m not stupid. Your knuckles are bleeding, and there’s no way that happened when you hit Suga.” Oikawa remarked, nodded over in Suga’s direction. “You probably punched out the window when you got pissed and tried to blame it on him because you panicked.” He explained. Yui snarled at him, but didn’t respond. 

“What I don’t get is why you punched him in the first place. Like, yeah, you guys had your spat and all, but I got the impression that you were cool.” Oikawa remarked. Yui’s face darkened. Daichi turned to look at her, concern written on his face. 

“Yui, what the _hell?_ ” he asked. Yui narrowed her eyes and pulled herself out of Daichi’s grip. 

“You want to know what the hell, Daichi? You want to know what my problem is? Well, I’m about to fucking tell you. Every single one of you fuckers,” she began, pointing at each of them, save for Iwaizumi, “has been acting like I’m some kind of demented shrew who’s acting crazy for no reason. I’m not a bitch, I’m not a shrew, and I’m not crazy. I’m fucking furious!” she snapped through clenched teeth. 

“First, this little shit over here,” she remarked, jerking her thumb over at Suga, “has the sheer audacity to be rude as hell and call me a flat chested punk ass bitch just because he can’t hop on my boyfriend’s dick, and _then_ ,” she snarled, whirling to stare at Daichi, “not only does said boyfriend not stick up for me _at all_ , he ditches me at the party and leaves me on my own. Then, when I call Suga out for being an asshole, his doucheweed friend over here,” she growled, clenching in her hands into fists and glaring daggers at Oikawa, “decides that he has to get involved in my business and we end up fighting. Of course then, good old Suga over here fucking _punches me in the head_ , and when I go to tell my boyfriend, because I haven’t seen him since the day before when we were fighting and I want to talk to him, not only does my boyfriend’s asshole best friend try to stop me, my boyfriend and every fucking other person decides to act like I’m just acting out and that I don’t have a legitimate reason to be angry!” She shrieked, and smacked her fist into the side of her car, ignoring her bleeding knuckles. 

“So honestly,” she continued, “fuck _every single one of you_ , you all can go eat a bag of dicks.” She declared. She paused for a moment. “Except Iwaizumi. You didn’t really have anything to do with it. Nice seeing you by the way, it’s been awhile.” She smiled. Iwaizumi awkwardly nodded. 

“Yeah, good to see you too Yui.” He replied. Daichi chose this moment to interject. 

“So, uh, I know this is probably bad timing, but could you back up to the part about Suga wanting to hop on my dick?” he asked. Yui, Oikawa, and Suga collectively rolled their eyes. 

“Oh please, Daichi.” Yui sighed, rubbing her temples. “You’re denser than a bag of cement. If you can’t see that Suga’s got a big gay crush on you by now, you’re completely hopeless. And fuck me sideways, because apparently you like him a whole lot more than you like me anyway.” She admitted. She rolled her eyes once again, and with no small amount of guilt Oikawa realized that they were watering. “I don’t even know why I bother at this point.” She confessed, her voice growing small. 

There was a long, uncomfortable, guilt ridden pause. 

“Um, I’ll pay to fix the car window.” Suga offered. Yui gave a watery, bitter laugh. 

“Yeah, whatever.” She turned to Daichi now. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to keep dating.” She sighed. Daichi blinked twice. 

“Why?” he asked, sounding more confused than upset. 

“No offense, but you have the emotional awareness of a rock. I don’t want to date somebody who just keeps passing me off as acting crazy for no reason and who has more feelings for his best friend than for me. You didn’t stick up for me once during this whole thing, and that’s not really something I’m okay with. You’re not an awful person or anything, but I’m kind of done with you.” She explained. Suga watched on with sheer disbelief and Iwaizumi let out a low whistle. Daichi shuffled awkwardly for a moment. 

“Well, uh, I guess you’re right. Um, sorry?” he tried. Yui rolled her eyes, though not without a trace of fondness. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever makes you feel better.” She sighed. “Well, I guess I’ve spilled my guts enough for the next month or so. Deuces, bitches. Hope I don’t see any of you for the next few months.” she yanked her car door open, unceremoniously swept the glass off of the seat, hopped in, and peeled out of the driveway. 

There was a long period of silence. 

“This has been the longest day of my entire life.” Oikawa groaned. 

“ So, uh, do you guys want to come inside? My mom made popcorn, we can watch a movie or something.” Daichi offered. Suga shrugged, Iwaizumi grunted, and Oikawa nodded. 

“Sure, why not?” Iwaizumi agreed. “I could use a break.” The four ventured into the house. Oikawa noticed Daichi staring appreciatively at Suga’s butt as they entered his living room. Iwaizumi and Suga crashed on the couch, and when Daichi went in the kitchen to grab the popcorn, Oikawa followed him. 

“Yui was right, wasn’t she?” Oikawa asked, startling Daichi and nearly causing him to drop the bowl of popcorn. “You do kind of like Suga, don’t you?” Daichi pursed his lips and set the popcorn on the counter. 

“I don’t know, Oikawa.” He sighed, rubbing the back of his head. “I never really thought about it until she brought it up.” He paused for a moment. “She’s the first person I ever dated, you know. I never liked anybody until then. Before then I just hung out with Suga all the time, and I didn’t really feel the need to start dating whenever I hung out with him. It didn’t ever really cross my mind, but I think maybe I just liked him the whole time without realizing it.” He admitted. Oikawa wrinkled his nose, and Daichi shot him a nasty look. 

“What’s that face for?” he challenged. 

“You guys are cute. I hate it.” Oikawa grunted. Daichi quirked his eyebrow. 

“Matsukawa was right, you really do have a problem with other people showing affection. Are you jealous or something? Because you obviously don’t pay attention to the way you and Iwaizumi act half the time if that’s the case.” He replied. Oikawa narrowed his eyes. 

“What are you talking about?” he asked. Daichi laughed. 

“And Yui said I was dense. Iwaizumi dotes over you all the time, he’s like an overprotective boyfriend. He even pulled you out of jail. Hanamaki’s your friend too, but he didn’t bust you out. Iwaizumi just kind of goes above and beyond for you.” Daichi shrugged. Oikawa pursed his lips, deep in thought. 

“I mean, if you want to be in denial about it, I guess that’s cool too, but just so you know, it definitely looks like a mutual thing from the outside.” Daichi continued. Oikawa sighed and began to leave the kitchen. 

“Whatever you say, dude. What movie are we watching?” he asked. Daichi grabbed the popcorn and took a seat on the couch, pulling up Netflix. Oikawa settled in next to Iwaizumi and ignored the anxious fluttering in his chest. 

It was about four o’ clock by then. Oikawa had stolen a car, gotten into a fight, ran from the police, gotten arrested, stayed in jail for three hours, and had witnessed a breakup all within the span of one day. 

Despite that, he felt like the hardest part of the day was still ahead of him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Michimiya Yui gets the redemption she deserves (kind of) 
> 
> Guys it took me like six tries to write this thing you have no idea. 
> 
> I might post the ending tomorrow, stay tuned!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys, this is it.
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading this, leaving comments, kudos, and just in general being very kind. I feel really blessed. Writing this fic has led me to meet a lot of new people and I'm really glad I started. It's been a lot of fun, and I may be lowkey very emotional at finishing my very first multichapter fic. 
> 
> Anyway, without further ado, it's the last chapter of the fic. It's mostly fluff, ngl. Thanks once again, and enjoy!

The movie was pretty good. Or at least Oikawa thought it might have been; he wasn’t really paying attention. Instead, he’d been distracted by a few things. Those few things namely being the fact that he needed to confront just exactly how he felt about Iwa-chan and then what to do from there. 

Iwaizumi, oddly enough, seemed equally antsy, shifting around constantly in his chair. Every time his thigh brushed against Oikawa’s, he would leave it there for a moment, then quickly jerk it away and try to find a more comfortable position. This did not help Oikawa’s situation very much at all, to be frank. 

Oikawa couldn’t stop thinking about what Daichi had said earlier. In truth, he hadn’t given the idea of dating Iwaizumi much thought. They hung out all the time and were pretty much always together, and Oikawa had simply taken it for granted. If they started dating, it would be probably pretty similar to their current relationship, only with more intimacy, which, on closer examination, Oikawa found that he didn’t really mind. But, again, he had never really thought about it before, which, oh god, meant that he was about as dense as Daichi. 

Oikawa wondered if Iwaizumi would buy him milk bread more often if they were dating. 

So, Oikawa wasn’t really as opposed to dating Iwaizumi as he thought he would have been. That was a step forward, he guessed. Of course, Iwaizumi hadn’t ever really shown interest in Oikawa like that before… 

Unless Oikawa took Daichi’s words into account. 

“Acts like an overprotective boyfriend,” hadn’t that been what he’d said? True, Iwaizumi had bailed him out of jail, and driven him all over town, and always just looked out for him in general. But, that could just be the perks of having an awesome childhood friend. Besides, Oikawa didn’t even know if Iwaizumi even liked guys. 

Before Oikawa even realized it, the movie was over, and Daichi was unceremoniously kicking everybody out of his house. Still wrapped up in his thoughts, he slid into the passenger seat of Iwaizumi’s car and rubbed his eyes with a moan. 

The sun was finally starting to give up the ghost, sliding gently down to the horizon with a sensation akin to a relieved sigh, and casting a myriad of pink and orange and violet hues across the fat dollops of clouds drifting across the sky. Oikawa felt that the peaceful scenery was the ending he deserved to such a hectic day. Iwaizumi started up the car in silence, jittering his leg and fiddling with the radio station, just like he always did. Oikawa felt an overwhelming rush of fondness in that particular moment, and he let a smile, small and genuine, overtake his face. Iwaizumi looked over at him with his typical gruff expression. 

“What are you smiling about?” he asked, his voice mellow and deep. Oikawa shrugged, trying to twist his expression back into neutrality. 

“Nothing, Iwa-chan.” He trilled, running his fingers through his hair. “I’m just glad we’re going home.” He admitted. Iwaizumi smiled at that, drumming his fingers along the steering wheel. 

“Yeah, me too.” He agreed. “I wasn’t even there for all the shit that you did and I’m exhausted.” He joked. Oikawa elbowed him in the ribs good-naturedly. “Picking you up from jail alone was enough to give me an ulcer.” Iwaizumi remarked. Oikawa rolled his eyes. 

“Whatever, you love taking care of me.” He laughed, and stretched out in his seat. Iwaizumi didn’t respond to that one, but Oikawa was content to sit in the silence and enjoy the view. Iwa-chan looked remarkably handsome at that moment, Oikawa had to admit. 

…The more Oikawa thought about it, the more him liking Iwa-chan seemed like an inevitability. 

They pulled up to Oikawa’s driveway and idled there for a moment. It was funny. Earlier, all Oikawa had wanted to do was take a long nap and leave the day behind, and now Oikawa didn’t really want to leave. He didn’t really want to get out of the car, or wave goodbye to Iwa-chan, or go into his house by himself. Apparently, his hesitation was obvious, because Iwaizumi spoke up. 

“Hey. Shittykawa.” 

“What’s up?” Oikawa asked. Iwaizumi looked uncharacteristically hesitant and… he was blushing? 

“So, uh, this is probably a little weird, but, um…” he trailed off here, and looked out the window, blushing furiously. Oikawa could start to feel his face heating up too. Jesus Christ, the embarrassment was enough to literally kill him. 

“Um…Actually, fuck it. Never mind. Go home, I’ll see you tomorrow, Trashykawa.” 

“What?” Oikawa shrieked. “You can’t just start off something like that and leave it! Fuck, Iwa-chan, what is your problem?” he demanded. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. 

“Fine, fine! I like you, Shittykawa,” he intoned loudly, “would you please be my boyfriend? Now get out of my car.” 

“You’re not even gonna want to hear me answer?” Oikawa asked 

“Nope. Good night, have a great life, I’m gonna go drink to drown my embarrassment.” He continued. Oikawa shook his head. 

“Don’t do that, god. You really like me?” Oikawa prodded. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. 

“I know, right? I must have awful taste or something.” 

“Don’t be rude, Iwa-chan.” 

“Don’t tell me what to do.” 

It wasn’t even that funny, or anything particularly clever, but Oikawa couldn’t help himself from giggling wildly at Iwaizumi’s words. Iwa-chan blushed even harder than before, if that was possible, and scowled at Oikawa. 

“What are you laughing at, asshole?” he demanded. Oikawa dismissed the question with a wave of his hand. 

“Sorry,” he gasped out between laughter, “I’m just really happy.” 

As soon as he said that, the fire went out in Iwaizumi’s eyes, and he grew rather abashed, rubbing the back of his head. 

“So, um, is that a yes, or…?” 

“I thought you didn’t want to hear my answer.” 

“Oikawa, I swear to God.” 

“Kidding! Kidding. Yeah, I’ll be your boyfriend, Hajime. I’d like that a lot, I think.” 

“You were doing so well up until the ‘I think’.” 

“I mean, I could always change my mind.” 

“Shut up, Shittykawa.” Iwaizumi grumbled. 

“Shittykawa?” 

“…Tooru.” 

Oikawa smiled broadly, and couldn’t really help himself when he leaned over the console and kissed Iwaizumi on the cheek. He began to blush furiously. 

“Get out of my car and go put some pants on.” Iwaizumi grumbled. Oikawa laughed and finally opened the door. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, right Hajime?” he asked. Iwaizumi smiled softly, and Oikawa’s heart skipped a beat. 

“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

With that, he started up the car and drove away. 

Oikawa stood there, on the driveway, deliriously happy. After a small eternity, he turned to his house, and went to unlock the door. He reached into his pocket to grab his keys. 

At which point he discovered he didn’t have a pocket, or his keys. 

Iwaizumi still had the spare. 

“ _Fuck!”_

\------- **Epilogue**

**Like, a couple days later**

Oikawa was sitting at home alone, working on his calculus homework, when he heard the doorbell ring, accompanied by a loud knock and then frantic shuffling of feet. He wandered over to the door, confused, only to hear the screech of tires and see a rusty car peel out of his driveway. He opened the door to see a pair of rumpled jeans, a set of keys hanging from an alien-print lanyard, and an all-too-familiar pastel pink Easter Bunny suit resting on his front step. There was a note pinned to the jeans, written in a near incomprehensible scrawl. 

_If you even think about showing up and leaving a creepy ass bunny suit in my room for a second time, you will never be invited to my house again. Also, you owe me two bottles of Grey Goose. :3c_

_-Kuroo_

Oikawa gave an exasperated grin, dragged his things back into the house, and pulled out his phone. 

To: Makki 

Sent 10:27 PM 

Yo, when you’ve got a minute, text me. I’ve got something of yours you might want back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is 45 pages and 20222 words long. I first posted it in November, so that makes it about 7 months in the making. It's my first finished multichapter fic, though hopefully not the last. There were a lot of ideas supplied by my friends that didn't make it in, but it feels pretty complete as it is so idk. 
> 
> Actually that might be a good thing because I had multiple requests to put somebody getting their asshole pierced in here. Be glad that I'm squeamish. 
> 
> Comments are still much appreciated, they always make my day, and thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Lol this is a shit show
> 
> I have a [tumblr,](http://disgustingweeabootrash.tumblr.com/) feel free to stop by and yell at me for this


End file.
